Sunday, December 14, 2008

Drunken fiend damands bacon!

Artists are a funny breed. Take this young buck for instance. Clearly dedicated to his art yet we still see sings of his bullishit existentialism. From this picture alone we can determine he has not fully committed to the art. What the fuck is he doing with that guitar? Any asshole can BaconWave some ham, but to achieve true art, one needs to fry that shit! You can't expect to become an artisan of ham while masturbating your day away with frivolous pursuits like music or curing aids or some other egregious frivolity. One needs to fully commit oneself to the cause. Monet didn't paint while fucking around with Nintendo at the same time. This "gentleman" has a lot to learn about art and even more about bacon.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Its a Bird, Its a Plane, Its...


I'm not a praying man, but if you are up there, save me Baconman! ...and you too Baconman's sidekick, Bacon Bit.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

I wanna wowwipop... with bacon!

I can hear what you are reading out there... you read the title and wondered if there could be a lolly with bacon in it and your name on it! Well, Baconites, I am not sure you're name will be on it, however we have uncovered a boon sent by the lords of candy! "Nonsense!" You say?!? "Shenanigans!" you call?!? Well, I call your nonsense... and your shenanigans, and raise them to reality!

The good people at Lollyphile, who are also the creators of the Absinthe Lollipops have produced a marvel in Maple-Bacon Lollipops! Yes! They are a reality... and truly can be yours! It can be argued that snacking during the day can either help or hurt you in you're quest to gain the body you've always wanted. So while you read and search about the best ways to achieve your goal, you can actually burn and take in calories, by popping one of these beauties into mouth and suck your way to good health! Now it could be argued that taking in pure Vermont maple syrup and bacon can be bad for you, however, think of this... your body is working hard just to take it in! If nothing else, your body won't gain or lose weight, plus you get your bacon and sugar at the same time! Genius! Now Baconites, sally forth and go suck it!

Addition to keyboards?

Hail Baconites! This image has been seen in many places around the 'Net, however it has not been seen enough on real keyboards! It has also been discussed in many places, and yet, and yet, yes I said that twice - wait, and yet, three times, we have not, NOT seen action taken. Why you may ask - is it a conspiracy? Would non-bacon eating peoples be offended? What would actually happen if you pressed the "Bacon" key - surely not bacon would appear? Well Baconites, we will not know if we don't explore this issue, which is why you may wish to contemplate asking our US government to sponsor a study to explore this potentially amazing concept! The only potential snag, is that another politician would also suggest a sub-study, if you will to uncover why a tasty diet beverage does not materialize after the "Tab" key has been pressed. However, we must continue to endeavor to persevere and seek out our state and federal Representatives to consider a study on the Bacon key! Nay demand it! It's your right as an American! Hell, even if you're not an American - demand it! Why? Because when you need bacon, you should be able to press a button on your keyboard and get some damn bacon! Go forth Baconites and demand!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Bacon Abroad

Ever travel abroad and needed to order bacon but didnt know what bacon was on the menu? Here is a handy guide!

Canadian: Real American Bacon, none of your crap!
Chinese: 烟肉
French: Lard (stupid frenchies!)
German: Speck
Greek: μπέϊκον
Hebrew: ........
Italian: Pancetta Affumicata (takes too long.)
Japanese: ベーコン
Korean: 베이컨
Russian: бекон
Spanish: Tocino
Everywhere cool: Bacon

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Pucker Up!

Hey ladies! You know how to get your man smoochin your ugly face? Buy some bacon lip balm! He will forget that he is kissing a pig and think he is kissing a cooked pig.
Order now, you aint gettin prettier.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Bacon Pizza

I uhhh.... just wanted to take a second to ta... uhhhhh... oh yeah... that is the stuff... I, uh... uhhhh.... oh man! I am trying to tell you about this piz... oh man... I cant. That is sooooo hot! Uhhhh......

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Happy Turkey-Bacon Day!

Hail Baconites and Happy Thanksgiving! While it has already been stated here about the combination of turkey and bacon, we just thought we should point out that this is the one time of year in the U.S. that it is allowed to combine bacon with turkey. The reason is that turkey tends to steal the "flavoroids" (a completely "scientific" term and not contrived to be assured... *cough*) from bacon; this obviously is punishable by law, at least it should be. However, this is the time of year we give thanks for all we have... especially bacon, and think of those who do not have enough bacon. If you celebrate Thanksgiving, you should bring an extra couple of pounds of bacon wherever you go to celebrate just in case there is not enough bacon to go around. If you notice the turkey is not wrapped in bacon, you can then stuff a pound or two of bacon inside the turkey before it is put into the oven, thereby ensuring a successful celebration! If you are going to a place that will be serving a ham instead of a turkey, it can be almost guaranteed that if you bring your gift of bacon, you will be able to lobby to have the ham wrapped in bacon! Oh yeah baby! Have a safe and happy holiday Baconites!

When I die...

...I know what heaven will be like.

The Bacon isn't done!

Haha, what a little stinker...


Happy ThanksForBaconGiving everyone!

This year, think of your loved ones. Don't serve them boring old turkey on Thanksgiving. Give them something they will love, give them happiness, give them bacon! It is bacon-wrapped chicken, inside bacon-wrapped duck, inside bacon-wrapped turkey. It is a virtual Bacornucopia of a feast. Oh man, my mouth is watering thinking about this. This could only be improved by serving the cranberries with bacon bits mixed in.

More details on Turbaconducken.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Bacon Lampshade

The lighting in my house sucks! All my light bulbs are those stupid fluorescent ones that take forever to light up. When they finally do, everything has this bright blue tone to it. My house looks like the shopping aisles at K-Mart.

Sure, I know what you will say, just go buy a new lampshade that is darker and will filter out the color. Well you've got some nerve mister! You cant go around telling people what to do, that is how Hitler got started. You are clearly as bad as a person as Hitler... well, not Bacon Hitler, he is awesome!

No, instead I think I will invest my time and effort to create a bacon lampshade! Man, that will be so cool. My house will have white, orange, and brown stripes all over it! Plus, if the light stays on for a while and heats up the bacon, I can eat it or let the smell permeate my house.

Lampshade Directions

Monday, November 24, 2008

Hats off to honorable men

On a slight deviation than the usual posts, I would like to take some time to thank the hard working men (women don't make bacon, they can only cook it) at all the bacon factories around the world (except in Canada, as those aren't real bacon factories). For those uneducated on the genesis of bacon, it isn't just some magic pork product which grows on trees. It is made in the heartland of America, by real Americans, and by real men.

It's these men that allow us to enjoy bacon on a daily basis. It's these men that make my quality of life frickin awesome (by eating lots of bacon). It's these men, that work countless hours butchering and cutting that delicious animal flesh out of pigs which are destined to live on in my belly. To these men, I take my hat off..., I thank you for all your hard work. I raise my last piping hot slice of bacon to you. To all the unsung heroes of the bacon industry, "You Rock"!

Bacon Henge

For years, man has marveled at Stone Henge and wondered how it was created and what it was used for. Well we can stop wondering, because that is a boring and stupid thing to do. Instead, we can build something greater and more useful! Bacon Henge!!

Bacon Henge is bacon wrapped french toast sticks built on a mass of eggs, peppers, onions, and umm... lets say more bacon.

You can find the recipe HERE. This would go great with a tall glass of baconade... mmmm...

Too good for dogs?

Hail Baconites! Here at the 'nation we have uncovered a plot from the 90's in which bacon was given to dogs! And it doesn't stop there, apparently dogs have been given treats in a bastardized form of bacon for many years before the 90's! It's true! Is it a sign of the apocalypse that dogs have access to one of the best creations available to humankind? Will they start living together with cats? Will fiery meteors reign down from the sky? If so, will those meteors be filled with bacon? And how much would my grocer charge for those bacon filled meteors? Is it socially acceptable to use those meteors at parties?...

Wait... to get back on topic here, dogs - yeah - dogs with bacon... no wait - it's fake bacon! Bwah-hah-hah-hah! They don't get the real thing! Yeah - take that Fido! We are in control, because we have the bacon dammit! So much for their plot for world domination - they can't even get real bacon. Losers!

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Failed Business Idea

Don't EVER try to improve bacon.

Fun fact: Everyone in this video is dead now because Sizzlean was made of 90% asbestos and 10% horse manure.

L’eau de bacon pour homme

It cologne that smells like bacon!

I don't need this, personally. I eat so much bacon I sweat out the sweet bacon aroma. But for some of you lazy bacon slobs, this would be perfect. You could use this to find that special lady that likes bacon as much as you do. This handy locator will help you find the location of the right ladies for this kind of bacon lovin.

Thursday, November 20, 2008


This is all I need to be motivated:

Bacon Pr0n!

Hail Baconites! Are you feeling naughty, randy and in the mood for bacon? Well we here in the bacon labs have uncovered some bacon pr0n for those times when you cannot cook up some bacon yourself. This could go in so many directions - but lets, at least initially, keep it at just watching the bacon cook up! Yeah, oh yeah... fry it up baby! Ohhhh yeeahhh... it's soooo gooood! So good, it may in fact, be evil... eeevil!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

The Bacon Hat

Nuff said!

Something is wrong with my bacon

Can anyone help me? What is happening?

We got yer bacon heah!

Hail Baconites! In our never-ending search for quicker bacon - we have discovered yet another method for cooking bacon for those times you wish to make a blanket and couch cushion fort and hoard some bacon for yourself. Yes, recapture that time in your past when all you cared about was forts, bacon and the next cartoon or 3 Stooges episode coming next on T.V.; you know - last week! But in order to complete your journey to those nostalgic times, you need bacon, and you need it quick. If you cannot locate your "Bacon Wave", worry not - you can still have a plate o'bacon in relatively short time by just simply following the instructions in this video. I know, I know... it is amazing, and better yet, it's all true! So, start building your fort... in front of the T.V. of course, get your flashlight, watch this video, then make the bacon and lock yourself in your fort and drift back to those days of carefree caring.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Area Man Proclaims his Love of Bacon

Area man, a self proclaimed bacon aficionado and blatant metrosexual, has proclaimed his undying and unnatural love of bacon. "I use bacon in everything I do. Every day, I stuff bacon in my undies, pour bacon grease in my gas tank, feed my ferret some bacon bits, and take a bacon bath." Some people might call this creepy, others really creepy, but he claims bacon works wonders on cleaning his pores. "I take bacon baths every night and my skin is marrrrrrrveloooooous!"

Is this normal? Is this odd? Is this something we should should all aspire to be? The answer is, yes to all those questions. You should find this man and learn everything about bacon he has to offer.

Bacon iPhone Case

Leave it to the Germans! Is there anything they cant do? First they invent the Bacon Hitler, then they scare the Jews into becoming bacovores, now "Die Bacon Tasche" for your iPhone? Sweet! Das Bacon!
Those of you without an iPhone, don't cry, pansies. You can use this for other things too, like keeping your drugs, your cigarettes, your portable copy of the dictionary, or a little black book with the addresses of all your favorite bacon places in town.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Jews to accept bacon?

Word on the street is that Jews are finally going to accept bacon into their diet. Israel is thinking of changing their country flag to the above picture to announce to the world that they have a place for bacon. After speak to one very Jewish person, he informed me that "I know bacon is delicious, it looks delicious, it smells delicious. Praise Allah that I can finally eat bacon without committing a sin". This comes as big news and might even ease tensions with Israel’s neighboring countries. Israel’s Prime Minister, Ehud Olmert, is reportedly going to have a piece offering of bacon with Palestine’s Prime Minister next week. Way to go Israel! Welcome to the bacon community!

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Bacon Haiku's

I sure like bacon
It is pleasure for my mouth
I need bacon now

Bacon dear bacon
how i love your crispiness
let me lick you now

Fill me up bacon
I need you inside of me
mmm bacon mmm mmm good

My doc says I'm ill
He suggests tons of bacon
I should comply now

My bacon is good
My bacon is better though
My bacon is the best

Bacon, Bacon bits,
Bacon cake, Bacon cookies,
Bacon sausages

Once upon a time
There was a beautiful piece
of bacon, the end

Submit your own bacon haiku via the comments section. If we like it, we will add it to this post.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Bacon Aisle at the Supermarket?

This is where God must shop! An entire aisle, dedicated to bacon? I think I would live here if I could. Notice some of the bacon is 69 cents, must be some kind of erotic bacon.

Why isnt this in every grocery store? President-elect Obama, this is the change we need! Yes We Can!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Deadly Bacon Size Hail

The Meteorological and Environmentally Associated Teacher League Overseeing Verbal Emphasis on Revisioning Society(MEATLOVERS) has spoken out on a common discussion among weather forecasters everywhere. It seems basketball size hail is no longer to be considered the deadliest hail size. Across the country, hot weather girls have spoken of "bacon bit size" hail and considered it to be a harmless and cute name. However, it has caused more deaths this season than Ebola and the black plague combined.

Upon hearing the delicious weather report, hungry Americans are running outside to try to catch the bacon bits in their mouths. However, once outside, they realize it is nothing but ice. Many think their taste buds can no longer taste bacon and kill themselves instantly. Others simply realize they are idiots and take themselves out as well.

To remediate this threat to human life, weather girls worldwide are being asked to refer to hail of this size as "rat droppings" or "anal wart" size hail.

Friday, November 7, 2008


, CO - The people have spoken and bacon has triumphed over fries. The Delicious (D) party NOM-NOM-NOMinee has won in a landslide. This is a day for the people, by the people, and via the hungry. Independant party candidate broccoli came in with 0% of the vote.


Thursday, November 6, 2008

Bacon Whiskey

Some of you more blue-collar bacon lovers may not find much use for Bacon Vodka, so we here at baconation want to make sure you have another solution to get you drunk and smelling like bacon. Gentleman Ham's Bacon Whiskey! The perfect drink for hoppin' on yer hog after slammin' some hog. Damn that's a good use of bacon.

So, I know, some of you bacon drunks cant afford this sort of luxury. That's OK, we are a full service bacon provider. For those of you that cant afford it, or simply cant find it at your local meat market/liquor store, here is a recipe to make your own!

Now, I am off to take a swig of this tasty concoction and maybe beat the first person I see.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008


Have you ever wondered how smart bacon is? Have you ever pondered why your bacon can't also give you porn? Do you dream of keeping something bacon in your pants? Well... some brilliant dude over at has started to market a USB stick of bacon!!! This bad ass piece of computer hardware can store 4 gigs (thats a lot of porn or bacon pictures) and it looks frickin delicious! Don't be cheap, go and buy a bunch of these. Then cook some bacon. Then eat the bacon and play with your hardware. Its like my mom always said, if it looks cool, play with it until it falls off (the table).

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Happy Halloweeners!

Stolen from here... A sweet costume and guidelines on repreezentin' in your hood on halloween. So, keep yer bacon fryin and yer weeners hollow...

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

So Amazing... It's already sold out!

Hail Baconites! In our little area of the world, the sun is starting to angle away from us - causing us to want more bacon and watch football and hockey. While it is also a time to reflect on what was gained and what was lost, it it more importantly a time to dress warmer. From this we have learned of the bacon scarf being created and sold to the masses. However, before we could even get this article written - the scarf sold out - months ago! It is likely suspected that people, in dire need of bacon - thought this scarf was a strip of bacon from the cryptid known as "Mega-Sus Scrofa" or a.k.a. "Never Ending Bacon - NEB". "NEB" has not been confirmed or disconfirmed as of yet, but what is confirmed is that the amazing Bacon Scarf is still not back in stock, and Baconites in the north are looking for something to keep them warm in the coming months and for a mega-portion of bacon. Will the cries of both be answered? Will the scarf come back in stock? Will NEB be found? Keep coming back for updates True Baconites!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Dark Rumors

There is a report at this hour, that the Bacon Party is awash in Scandal...

From the New York Times: "The Bacon Party today, after it's revelation that candidate Mr. X was found to be a Canadian Bacon Sympathizer, is now reeling from the hint that it's Vice Presidential Candidate has been linked to nefarious activities, including the consumption of Turkey Bacon, or Facon, as it is known to Baconists. This is leading to all out infighting in the Bacon Party ranks.
The Party is trying to keep itself whole, all the while being rent by allegations and the desire for "inclusiveness". Party insiders tell this reporter that there is a growing movement within the Bacon Party to expand it's borders and to be more of a "Big Pan" party, to open itself up to non-pork based bacon products.
Bacon Fundamentalists within the party find this inconceivable. While they do admit to the existence of these products, they hold them to be substandard and non-Bacon-y products, lacking the inherent goodness of true Bacon. Their lack of salt curing, and their out and out "flaunting" of their non-porcine origins enrage some in the more pork-centric wing of the party.
Meanwhile, there is a growing number of Baconists that feel that it is time to lay down the old prejudices against non-pork bacon, and to accept it. There are many reasons given by the Progressive Baconists. Among them, the need for a "kinder, gentler" Bacon Party. Also, they feel that the duty of bacon is to include all foods that desire to be like bacon, and they wish to see that trend applauded from within the party itself.
While the Bacon Party appears to be staying its course, for the moment, this is nonetheless, "out of the frying pan and into the fire" for the campaign. With its chitlins laid bare, so to speak, the Bacon Party must now rally internally and find some common ground to proceed from. Most analysts agree that the hardest part is yet to come. Will the Clepper/Larkin ticket be able to ask forgiveness a la Jim Baker? Or will it be the Teflon Frying Pan approach of Bill Clinton? Or yet again, the crispy and honest talk like we once saw from Ronald Reagan?
No one knows yet how the camp will respond, but you can bet it will be with bacon in their hearts, well arteries anyway, and a tasty smell of bacon and hope in the air."

Monday, October 27, 2008

Scandal Rocks the Clepper Camp

The NY Times reported today that Mr. X is not the bacon backer he pretends to be! It seems the bogus bacon believer is busted! Lately, Clepper has been seen eating CANADIAN BACON! Not only is he eating it, but he is talking with the Prime Minister of Bacon for Canada "Jos Bleau" (pronounced "Joe Blow") over the bacon meals. The conversations have largely been focused on outsourcing Americans Bacon industry to Canada, thereby eliminating American Bacon as we know it today. This will surely take the wind out of the sails of the Clepper group which has largely been funded by Big Bacon throughout this campaign.

We caught up with Clepper outside a hockey game where he was hanging out with some mounted police, Celine Dion, and a Moose. He had this to say about the scandal, "I love bacon as much as any red-blooded artery-clogged American. These claims are an outrage, eh! If you will excuse me, I am late for my appointment to be fitted for a new tuque."
Baconation will follow this story closely and will break into your regularly schedule web surfing with any new developments.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Bacon Party Launches Campaign for the Big One '08!!!

Indeed, we are now in the midst of a tight race. Our opponents are slinging their political mud, and we are slinging hot, searing bacon grease right back at them.

The Bacon Party has gone Viral!!! (No, not like trichinosis...)

Read our new Facebook page (Search for Clepper/Larkin '08 on Facebook) and join the Movement!!! Bacon, it's not just for breakfast anymore!!!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Bacon Salt of the Earth!

Hail True Baconites! Not to dare to upstage the campaign news of the Bacon Party, but this must be made known! While already in existence, we do not think it is mostly known here, mostly. It is the amazing creation of Bacon Salt! Hell yeah! Bacon salt can be used in most anything - including bacon! Imagine if you will... hunger strikes - you search the fridge - the freezer - under the couch - in the garage - but NO BACON! What the hell are you going to do? You can't run to the store, the game is about to start and you can't leave now to get more bacon - then the kids start screaming about going to "Krustyland' and your wife is saying that the gutter needs fixing... perspiration forms on your head, your stomach screams for bacon and then you realize your fists are in tight balls and you have no bacon, what is this world coming to when a man can't have some damn bacon before the game? "NO!" you scream "There isn't a 'Krustyland' - it's all made up!" your eyes on fire while your kids reel in horror... "We don't have gutters!" spinning, seeing sweat flick off your head and you pull at your hair, while your wife rolls her eyes at you. Then it hits you, "I have Bacon Salt!" Yes praise the gwads! "Bacon Salt can be added to anything, potatoes, tomatoes, cereal and of course - bacon" you recall quickly. Seeing that the kickoff is nearing, you bum-rush the kitchen and plowing through your family in the process, grab some popcorn, the Bacon Salt and a sixpack. While popping the popcorn you crack a beer and dump some Beer Salt in your beer. You then plow your way back through, knocking over the Lincoln Log tower your son setup - you babble an apology as you sit down with all your supplies and proceed to create a blizzard of bacon-salted popcorn... and you just made the kickoff... but fail to see your wife swinging a gutter above your noggin.

Date Line: Central Minnesota, Bacon declares it's candidacy!!!

Allright, not so much bacon as the Bacon Party.

I know, "I always knew bacon was a party, duh!!" No, this is the Bacon Party, and the candidates have joined the race for the White House! Our ticket is the Bacon progressive Clepper/Larkin pairing.
More to come on this momentous moment in the history of bacon and it's impact on America and the American way of life.
Read more and see the candidates views and the party's platform by joining the campaign's FaceBook group!
It's time to stand up America, why not stand up with bacon?

Thursday, October 23, 2008

The Washington Bacon's

After years of controversy and bigotry the racist white owner of the Washington Redskins finally agreed to change the team name. The owner, Dan Snyder, agreed to this only after an Indian chief performed a rain dance and killed a buffalo during last weeks halftime show.

The owner thought that the team needed a new image, something everyone would like, bacon. From now on the team will be known as the Washington Bacon's, and will have a team of bacon cheerleaders who pass out bacon and do bacon dances. When asked what he thought of the name change, Washington Bacon's star running back Clinton Portis said "Man, you know man, I really sure do like bacon a lot mores than any Indians."

Updated Bacon Flow Chart

After much field research and customer opinion surveys, it has been determined that the original bacon flow chart (found HERE) was deemed too complex. The above flowchart has been updated to more accurately reflect the views of all humans on earth.

Please contact your Local Representative for clarification requests.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Bacon value on the rise

With the economy in the dumps and economic uncertainty around every corner, it is time to start thinking about investing a real future, the bacon future. This is different than the pork futures in that it is better. Alan Greenspan recently was quoted as saying, "Mmmm... I like bacon." ...and he is Jewish, that has to be a good sign, right?

Invest today and don't forget to buy American bacon because all other bacon is Nazi bacon.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

What do you carry your lunch in?

I suppose if I am gonna bring my lunch to my school/work/camp/orgy/stalk/park, I will want to show everyone what I am carrying. The best way to do that? In a bacon lunchbox, obviously! I shouldnt need to explain, there is a picture right there ^ Ugh!!

Go buy one, now!

Don't pick at it... even though it may be delicious!

True-Baconers you may or may not know this, but bacon can be used to heal! That's right, bacon has healing powers! However, while the totality of the bacon powers have not been revealed yet, the healing factor, to date, has been limited to bandages. As you can see next to this article and also here, these bandages, are quite tempting. Note also include these look like eggs; which is of course is a distraction to keep you from eating the bacon bandages. Although these are synthetic bacon strips, it is believed that these bacon bandages are still imbued with the healing power of bacon! You just need to resist the temptation to pick at the bacon-aid while it heals you. It has been said that you can increase the healing power of bacon, by cooking up some real bacon - see the previous post on how to cook it - and while you are eating - you are healing! Amazing... simply amazing.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

How to cook bacon

Bacon Cooking Tips

• If the packaged sliced bacon is cold from the refrigerator, slowly slide the dull edge of a butter knife along the length between the strips, gently rocking to separate slices. Plan ahead and take the bacon out of the refrigerator thirty minutes before cooking. The slices should separate easily.

• When frying bacon, it's important to keep a close eye on it and turn it often. It can burn in the blink of an eye. Older bacon will cook and burn almost twice as quickly as fresh bacon.

• If you prefer very crispy bacon, choose thinner slices to fry up. Pour or baste off the fat as it accumulates in the pan. Use medium to medium-low heat. Cook slowly, turning often, to render out the most fat and help reduce shrinkage. Pricking with a fork will help alleviate any curling problems. Drain breakfast bacon on paper towels.

• The fat rendered from the cooked bacon is highly-prized as a cooking oil for its flavor. After cooking the bacon, cool the rendered oil to room temperature and then pour through a fine sieve into a glass container. Cover and store in the refrigerator or freezer for future use. If you do not need the rendered fat, let it cool to room temperature, pour into a disposable metal or glass container, seal, tie up in a plastic bag, and toss into the trash. It's not wise to pour it down the drain, because it will coagulate and clog up the drain.

• There are fancy microwave bacon cookers on the market which work well, but they are not necessary. Place a microwave-safe paper towel in a micro dish large enough to fit a single layer of bacon slices (4 to 6 slices). Cover with another paper towel. Six slices should take about 4 to 5 minutes on high, depending on the wattage of your microwave and the thickness of the bacon. Start checking after the first two minutes, and continue cooking at one minute intervals until you can judge the cooking time for the way you like it. Consult your microwave manual for more specific times. A rotating base in the microwave is highly recommended for even cooking, and most come with one built in these days. Remember that foods continue to cook even after the timer goes off in a microwave, so let it rest a few minutes before you dive in to let it crisp up and avoid burns. Curly bacon never bothers me, but this method reduces curling of the bacon.

• Bacon can also be easily baked in the oven, resulting in amazingly flat slices. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Place a rack inside a baking sheet. Lay out slices and bake for 10 to 15 minutes, depending on desired doneness level. Voila! Crispy bacon with no curls. You can also use your broiler, but I don't recommend it. First of all, the splatters not only make a royal mess, but also cause flares. Secondly, it requires much more attention. Stick with frying, microwaving or baking.

• How can you reduce splattering problems? Part of the problem arises from today's quick salt-brining method (known as pickle-curing) used by producers. The liquid naturally soaks into the meat, and you know what happens when liquid hits hot oil -- snap, crackle, pop! Be sure the bacon slices are cold from the refrigerator and start with a cold pan. Use medium to medium-low heat and take your time cooking the slices, turning often. It's preferable to thaw frozen bacon in the refrigerator to reduce moisture, but even then some of the moisture may naturally seep out. Towel off the slices before cooking to avoid excess splattering.

• If you must watch your fat intake, lean smoked ham or prosciutto can be substituted in many recipes where the rendered bacon fat is not needed. Turkey, chicken and vegetarian bacon products are also available.

• Most slab bacon is sold with the rind attached. Remove the rind before using. Render the fat from the rind by frying and you have cracklings, a favorite Southern snack.

Information provided from

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Package Of Bacon Forces Evacuation At Lawmaker's Office

WEST CHESTER, Ohio -- One of Rep. John Boehner’s local offices was evacuated Monday afternoon after a suspicious package arrived in the mail.

Message On Pork Barrel Spending Causes Big Scare

Staffers received the letter from Georgia by U.S. mail. After noticing it was leaking an oily substance, they called the Capitol police in Washington, who advised them to evacuate as a precaution and call in local authorities.

Multiple police agencies responded to the Republican congressman’s West Chester office and began an investigation.

After an X-ray analysis, investigators determined the package contained bacon.

A spokeswoman said it's ironic someone would send Boehner bacon because he has spent his career fighting pork barrel spending.

No injuries were reported, and the incident remains under investigation. A note found in the package with the bacon was not disclosed by authorities.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Perplexing Bacon Paradox

This is a problem that has been bothering me for quite some time now. If you were to have x slices of bacon and x+1 mouths to feed, who would not get some bacon? You or one of your associates? What if all the associates are hot chicks?

Also, if you have x slices of bacon and x-1 people, who gets the extra slice of bacon? Would I get it because I am just that awesome? Or do I get it because I like bacon more than the next person? What if there is a hot chick? Should I try and seduce her with the extra slice of bacon or eat it myself? These are tough questions and I hope I am never in a situation where I need to make life or death bacon decisions. Because knowing me, I would just eat all the bacon and tell everyone that I accidental bought turkey bacon (no one likes turkey bacon).

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Happy Birthday to the Baconation creator, Smidge! Smidge is looking to engorge himself on a bacon flavored cake with a side of bacon grease to warsh it all down! Happy Birthday Smidge!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Say "Bacon" in Sign Language

Some day you may need to tell a deaf person you need bacon. Or even worse, you become a mute and cant tell someone you want bacon! Or worse still, you have been deaf and mute all your life and have never been able to succesfully ask for bacon! Well sir, learn this now!

Monday, September 29, 2008

C'mon - gimme some of your... bacon tots!

Whaaa...? Bacon wrapped tots?!? "Pfft - Yeah - pfft!" I hear you say, but lo and hearken True-Baconers - 'tis as true as the North Star... 'tis! This heaven sent dish was first reported waaayyyy back in 2007 by a heaven sent blog called "Bacon Unwrapped". In this blog "Bacon Wrapped Tots", we see how the author dared to combine the pure essence of bacon with the amazing invention of tots, and finding out it can yield, yet again a dish for us to marvel and feast upon while watching Masterpiece Theatre or the Presidential Debates. However, True-Baconers, the author was not, could not be finished. Nay. The author had to seek a professional venue for this creation and found it in the eclectic state of Iowa; specifically, in the High-Life Lounge in Des Moines. Much thanks to Heather Lauer for her investigative efforts into our favorite food source and much luck to her and her forthcoming book! True-Baconers, marvel upon Ms. Lauer's and the other bacon pioneers we have already and will continue to report right here to inspire you to dare to dream, experiment and feast upon... bacon!

Thursday, September 25, 2008

John McCain hates bacon

John McCain hates bacon and he hates your ugly face. That is what is being reported from a press conference just minutes ago, and it is sending shockwaves through the bacon eating and voting community. He was quoted as saying "Bacon isn't good. I hate bacon. When I am president I will make bacon illegal". This comes as no surprise as his competition in this race, B. Obama, recently made the statement "Bacon is da bomb!" and has also been seen eating bacon-popsicles.

It looks like McCain is trying to distance himself from the aforementioned black guy, I think though that this may ultimately hurt him in the polls. I for one do not trust anyone who doesn't like bacon, specifically Jews and vegetarians.

Bacanarchist Cookbook

I have this poster hanging in my kitchen to remind me. I have never HAD to butcher a pig, if I did, I would know what parts to cook.

Here is a little Simpson's humor to describe how awesome this animal is:

: Wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute. Lisa honey, are you saying you're *never* going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad! Those all come from the same animal!
Homer: [Chuckles] Yeah, right Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Crytpid-ish Creation!

Hark True-Baconers! There has been a discovery that the world may know about, but may not... but will... NOW! A discovery has been degreased way back in 2006 concerning a unknown type of dish that sounds like an "In Search Of..." episode. A food creation, before coming into being, must have surely caused some eyebrows to be raised and sanity questioned before being revealed into the world.

In Snook, Texas, a local steak house had discovered a creation that had the local clientele frothing for more. What could this possibly be? Bigfoot bacon? - No! Bacon flavored Loch Ness Monster flippers? - No! Chupacabra bacon rinds? - No! All of these sound good, but it... it was... Chicken Fried Bacon Strips! Unlike the existence of Bigfoot and other cryptids, the existence of this wonder food delight has been beyond a shadow of a doubt - proven, and more importantly... confirmed to be delicious! Cast your eyes upon this tale told by the Texas Country Reporter about this bacon enthusiast, Frank Sodolak and his amazing and addictive creation!