Friday, August 29, 2008

The Bacon Cake is a Lie!

Wait! No it isn't! It is the honest truth. Just look at that thing, it makes my mouth water and my trousers tighter just thinking about it. Even that plastic pig thing the the back is like "hell yeah, that's me bitches!"
Excuse me, I have to call my wife and tell her to get in the kitchen and make me one of these bad boys.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Olympic Bacon Controversy

BREAKING NEWS!!! This just in. Slow motion replay has discovered that the Chinese mens Gymnastics team used performance enhancing bacon to win themselves the gold medal. As you can see above I just obtained pictorial evidence of this blatant disregard of the rules. The picture clearly illustrates the China-man indulging on a slice of bacon, with many backup slices of bacon in his hands.

Bacon clearly would give anyone an unfair advantage do to its deliciousness and awesomeness. No wonder China won so many gold medals during the 2008 Olympic games, they were all on bacon! Those darn Chinese, what will they think of next?

Bacon Tatoo

Feast your eyes on this bad ass tat. I know you are already jealous and wanting to eat some delicious bacon. This dude is a true bacon fan and has my respect. I raise a slice of bacon and toast this dude for not hiding his true feelings for the god of all things meat.

The only thing more bad ass would be to staple real slices of bacon to your arms.

Instant Bacon

Bacon Facts

Here are some facts about bacon you don't know:
  • Bacon is cured and smoked pork. In the U.S. pork bellies are used, Canadian bacon is made from the rib eye of boneless pork loin, and most European countries use the ham (thigh) or shoulder to make bacon.
  • More than 2 billion pounds of bacon is produced in the U.S. each year.
  • The BLT became popular when fresh lettuce and tomatoes became available year round with the rapid expansion of supermarkets after World War II.
  • Jesus served bacon as a side dish at the last supper, yet he was Jewish. This is why Muslims do not like pigs.
  • While heavy on salt and kind of high in calories, bacon has no trans fat at all. Several slices of bacon are healthier in terms of calories, salt, fat and cholesterol than a hot dog, hamburger or glazed donut. Suck on that meat instead Richard Simmons!
  • Contrary to popular belief, Kevin Bacon is not made of kevin or bacon pieces. However, Sir Francis Bacon was 80% bacon.
  • European peasants c. 1500's could only sometimes obtain or afford pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man 'could bring home the bacon.' They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat.”

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Don't forget to stock up on more bacon!

This is just a reminder to check your bacon storage depot to make sure you are fully stocked. There is nothing worse than running out of bacon!

I would highly advise buying twice as much as you think you will need. A best practice to hide some, it is a solid contingency plan.

I don't know how many times I have been saved by my "Emergi-Bacon"...

Bacon Tuxedo!

Holy mongoly, this dude is awesome. Not only does China kick ass at winning gold medals, they are also equally as good at making delicious tuxedos.

This suit, while fashioned in China, is made of high quality bacon. This suit is so awesome, that you are sure to be the life of the party. Combine this with the Bacon Toupee and people will bow to you and treat you like a deity.

Bacon Toupee

Everyone knows it sucks to be bald. Women are repulsed by a bald head, job promotions rarely go to individuals without a full head of hair, and domes get sun burnt easily.

Well we here at Baconation have come up with an awesome solution! The Bacon Toupee. By putting bacon on your head, not only does it mimic real human hair, but it smells good and is edible. I am confident that the bacon toupee is soon to be the latest fashion statement that shouts "F*** bald people!"..

Monday, August 18, 2008

The ultimate conundrum. Why does Patty-V enjoy bacon so much?

This is the question that has puzzled the brightest minds in the world for decades. From what I hear, the answer to this question is close to being solved. My theory is that since bacon is delicious why would anyone not like bacon? Additionally, Patty-V is very voluptuous so it takes more bacon to keep her in tip top shape.

If you have to live in the south...

We all know the south is dirty, dangerous, and full of white trash red necks that drink moonshine and have sex with their sisters.

Well, we found the coolest place 'down souf'. If you have to live there I highly advise Bacon Country, Georgia. This fine up class community features nothing but the most elitest of everything, from their perfectly aged red wine, perfect "10" women and perfectly cooked bacon. This is the place to live.

Don't park on Bacon!

This is just a friendly public service reminder. Remember ladies and gents to not park your cars on bacon. It is environmentally unfriendly and a waste of bacon. Parking on bacon is analogous to pushing over old persons, you just don't do it!

Bacon Icecream

Yo amo el helado. Yo amo el tocino. No hace falta decir que me encanta el helado con sabor a tocino. El helado restaurante de helados Udder Delight en Rehoboth Beach, Delaware tiene helado con sabor a tocino. Si eres un fan del tocino recomiendo comprobar este lugar.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Emerging business opportunity, the Bacon Bank.

Alright so who of you have had the trouble of finding a place to store your bacon? This question has boggled and plagued the greatest minds of our generation. Well we have thought of the greatest conclusion for such an occasion. The BACON BANK is our modern day answer to currency and culinary problems. If you have the option you will most certainly bring your bacon to such a location, where they will hold your powerful, yet, delicious bacon while you're away at some off shore meeting with other bacon aficionados. Soon these puppies will start to spring up all across the nation harboring peoples precious bacon.

The bacon bank would consist of temperature controlled vaults to ensure optimal bacon freshness. Additionally, we would only hire vegetarian Jews to ensure that no one would be tempted to eat or steal our precious reserves, plus Jews are good with money.

Some marketing ideas we have are when you open up an account at a BACON BANK you would be offered three separate offers: one option is a wallet that can cook your bacon while in your pocket (good for business men and people in the circus), the second offer is twenty dollars off bacon, and the third-so our reports say- is a mystery box. what's in the box is a mystery but i know it will be something awesomely baconish.

this sandwich is the shizzzzzzzzzzzzznit

This sandwich is the only thing known by man kind to induce instantaneous Ecstasy. The only draw back to this sandwich is how good it is, it is so good that it will cause hallucinations periodically. You know those dudes from San Fransisco who lived through the sixties, well you will get flash backs from this very very Delicious sandwich, you never know when it will strike but it will bring you back to this delicious sandwich.

This sandwich consists of two pieces of bread and 22 slices of bacon. Pure awesomeness!

If you haven't tried this sandwich yet you really are missing out. If you're worried about the flash backs well don't be such a wuss. I know you like bacon so this is a must have...but if you have heart problems, well, what are you waiting for you really don't have to long to live so you might as well enjoy the fruits of life while you're still around...

Bacon Toothpaste?!?

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Bacon flavored Coke!

Wow, now this is a product I might consider buying. Normally I don't drink any beverage unless it is mixed with whiskey, but I would consider trying this sans whiskey. After that experience I would mix this with some whiskey and drink until I went blind. What could be better than bacon and whiskey? I think nothing.

Here is the news article from some useless website that I will not cite:
The Coca-Cola Company has released several flavor extensions of its signature brands—from cherry Coke to Diet Coke with Lime—in markets around the world. This year many New Zealanders have been enjoying Coca-Cola with Raspberry and Diet Coke with Raspberry.

The Coca-Cola company is now testing it’s latest extension to the brand—Diet Coke with Bacon in test markets across the world including the UK, China, Australia and Africa. Starting April 21, Americans in Los Angeles will be able to be the first to try Coca-Cola with Bacon and Diet Coke with Bacon.

The Coca-Cola team did not have to look far for inspiration. They observed behavior at self-serve soda fountains, where consumers can make the choice themselves.

The Company tested a range of new flavors with Coca-Cola, yet bacon was the clear favorite.

New Zealand was the second market to launch flavored versions of Coca-Cola and Diet Coke simultaneously. Mexico launched Coca-Cola Citra and Diet Coke Citra earlier this year. The Coca-Cola company is now looking for the perfect spot to launch the New Diet Coke with Bacon extension. Los Angeles is the next target.

The new extension joins vanilla in both brand families and will replace Diet Coke with Lime.

The taste tests will couple themselves with young, refreshing music groups in a hope to appeal to a young, more adventurous consumer.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Bacon good for you after all (I knew it)!

Some doctor/physicist/cool dude has done his research and concluded scientifically that bacon is in fact good for you.

"My research has found that three strips of crispy, mouthwatering bacon every morning can actually reduce cholesterol and help slow the aging process," the awesome Gruber said. "What's more, the bacon's positive effects are enhanced when combined with milk shakes and/or marijuana." -Dr. Albert Gruber (a.k.a best doctor ever), source:

Read the full report here:

Bandaids, bacon style!

Don't you just hate it when you burn yourself from bacon grease when trying to cover your wounds like a man(by putting bacon on them)?

Well the brilliant minds over at have come up with a hybrid bacon/bandaid solution. While these bandages look like bacon, it is only an illusion.

I recommend you buy a bunch for the next time you fall off your motorcycle juggling chainsaws. Check them out here:

Bacon Alarm Clock!!!

Holy shit, this may be one of the coolest inventions I have ever seen. This is a custom made alarm clock by three geniuses that must work for NASA. Here is the premise of the device; put bacon in try, set alarm clock, wake-up to the aroma of fresh bacon, eat bacon! Pure awesomeness!

My hat goes off to these guys, keep up the good work. If anyone will build me a bacon toaster out of a working iPod I will give them $10, that would be equally bad ass.

Check out more info on the Wake n' Bacon here

My health after I learn how to cook bacon

A comical graph that is completely untrue.

Any bacon fan knows that there are substantial health benefits to this delicious pork product. In fact it is unhealthy not to eat copious amounts of bacon.

The Periodic Table of Awesomeness

The periodic table of awesomeness. This table reflects all that is awesome in the world. Obviously bacon is #1, but this chart also has ninjas, Chuck Norris and boobs. Pure awesome.

Push button, receive bacon!

I wish getting bacon was this easy, if that were the case I would never leave the house.

Bacon Flow Chart

Quite possibly the best flowchart in existence. Not only does this flowchart make you want to eat bacon, it is accurate and the best part is you always win!

Jim Gaffigan does bacon

Monday, August 11, 2008

First post of awesomeness

For my momentous first post I would like to pay tribute to the Baconator which is available at the one and only Wendy's.

This awesome burger of awesomeness has 6 slices of hickory smoked bacon, and two 1/4 pound all beef patties with cheese. If god was going to have a burger, this is the burger he would eat. This monster has 860 calories, 51 grams of fat, and 56 grams of manly protein. So get off your ass and go buy three.

Check it out here

Welcome to Baconation!

Welcome to Baconation, your resource for everything bacon! I decided to make this blog since bacon is the best invention ever and should be enjoyed with every meal. My goal with this blog will be to deliver all news, inventions, jokes, and anything else related to bacon. So go cook some bacon and enjoy!