Monday, September 29, 2008

C'mon - gimme some of your... bacon tots!

Whaaa...? Bacon wrapped tots?!? "Pfft - Yeah - pfft!" I hear you say, but lo and hearken True-Baconers - 'tis as true as the North Star... 'tis! This heaven sent dish was first reported waaayyyy back in 2007 by a heaven sent blog called "Bacon Unwrapped". In this blog "Bacon Wrapped Tots", we see how the author dared to combine the pure essence of bacon with the amazing invention of tots, and finding out it can yield, yet again a dish for us to marvel and feast upon while watching Masterpiece Theatre or the Presidential Debates. However, True-Baconers, the author was not, could not be finished. Nay. The author had to seek a professional venue for this creation and found it in the eclectic state of Iowa; specifically, in the High-Life Lounge in Des Moines. Much thanks to Heather Lauer for her investigative efforts into our favorite food source and much luck to her and her forthcoming book! True-Baconers, marvel upon Ms. Lauer's and the other bacon pioneers we have already and will continue to report right here to inspire you to dare to dream, experiment and feast upon... bacon!

Thursday, September 25, 2008

John McCain hates bacon


John McCain hates bacon and he hates your ugly face. That is what is being reported from a press conference just minutes ago, and it is sending shockwaves through the bacon eating and voting community. He was quoted as saying "Bacon isn't good. I hate bacon. When I am president I will make bacon illegal". This comes as no surprise as his competition in this race, B. Obama, recently made the statement "Bacon is da bomb!" and has also been seen eating bacon-popsicles.

It looks like McCain is trying to distance himself from the aforementioned black guy, I think though that this may ultimately hurt him in the polls. I for one do not trust anyone who doesn't like bacon, specifically Jews and vegetarians.

Bacanarchist Cookbook

I have this poster hanging in my kitchen to remind me. I have never HAD to butcher a pig, if I did, I would know what parts to cook.

Here is a little Simpson's humor to describe how awesome this animal is:

Homer
: Wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute. Lisa honey, are you saying you're *never* going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad! Those all come from the same animal!
Homer: [Chuckles] Yeah, right Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Crytpid-ish Creation!

Hark True-Baconers! There has been a discovery that the world may know about, but may not... but will... NOW! A discovery has been degreased way back in 2006 concerning a unknown type of dish that sounds like an "In Search Of..." episode. A food creation, before coming into being, must have surely caused some eyebrows to be raised and sanity questioned before being revealed into the world.

In Snook, Texas, a local steak house had discovered a creation that had the local clientele frothing for more. What could this possibly be? Bigfoot bacon? - No! Bacon flavored Loch Ness Monster flippers? - No! Chupacabra bacon rinds? - No! All of these sound good, but it... it was... Chicken Fried Bacon Strips! Unlike the existence of Bigfoot and other cryptids, the existence of this wonder food delight has been beyond a shadow of a doubt - proven, and more importantly... confirmed to be delicious! Cast your eyes upon this tale told by the Texas Country Reporter about this bacon enthusiast, Frank Sodolak and his amazing and addictive creation!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Bacon-Vodka!

True-Baconers - you will not believe what we have come across! The perfect drink for enjoying with bacon!... Nooo... not bacon grease... well maybe on a cold winter or rainy day... no we are talking about Bacon flavored Vodka! You may think we jest, but this is nay a jest! Check out the recipe for Bacon Vodka, and lose yourself in the possibilities of enjoying a pint of this bacon flavored nectar while eating a fine side of bacon and watching rugby, football or Porky's. Yes True-Baconers, bacon-drenched inebriation awaits!

Bring It Back!

Bring what back you ask? What - are you serious or cereal?!? Can it be that you have never heard of the bacon ambrosia that resides... in a can? Yes True-Baconers! Bacon did come once in a can - and with some type of monumental effort, it is here again! There is a movement right now at this site dedicated to the product: Canned Bacon by Celebrity Foods, that shows the hidden treasure that can be ours again. They detail at the site just how the product looks in and outside of the can and in the fryin' pan. After reviewing the product, it has a potential shelf life of over 20 years! You don't get much more perfect than that. Take a gander at the site and marvel at how a once lost treasure can again be a reality!

Friday, September 19, 2008

A Poem About Bacon




Oh, bacon, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways...

A mazillion-trillion-gazillion-billion.

That is a lot.

Ahhhh.... love.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Grandpa likes bacon!

"Bakin' Bacon with Macon" a la South Park

Hello True Baconers! A few years ago the creators of South Park, Matt Stone and Trey Parker, explored the tenets of bacon and it's many uses. Marvel at their mastery of the goodness that is bacon. The co-creators also introduce a South Park episode, which unfortunately, this clip does not provide. Fortunately, we do see Macon, the show-stealing sidekick, explore the questions of eating bacon and the possible betrayal of one's own ilk and values.

We, however, gain the insight of how yet again, the versatility of the bacon and how it can serve, as not only a entree, but also as an edible garnish. The only area not explored in this video is how the residual bacon grease could serve as a type of gravy or dipping sauce. Perhaps one day True Baconers... perhaps. Please enjoy Mr. Stone and Mr. Parker's presentation: "Bakin' Bacon with Macon" - and see how much Macon gets taken by the bacon!

Mr. T pity's the fool


Nuf said!

digg story

Friday, September 12, 2008

In case of emergency, eat bacon


These days, you dont know what problems you might face. Terrorism, econonmy crisis, Nazi's, Ninjas, karate explosions, bacon shortages... ooohh... that last one freaked me out! That is why I keep an emergency bacon supply close by... and some eggs for good measure. So, just remember, the threat level is orange, like the color bacon turns just before it is ready to eat!

Bacon and Morality

Is bacon evil? Is bacon good? Is bacon some new kind of moral behavior called simply "bacon"? Theologists have pondered this for many years. The fact of the matter is, bacon is a critcal part of Christian dogma.
Did you know that Eve didnt eat an apple, but rather a piece of bacon and God got super pissed because it was his bacon and didnt want to have to cook another? Or, did you know that in the story of Noah, it wasnt an olive branch, but rather a strip of bacon in the mouth of the dove? How about when Lot's wife looked back at Sodom and turned into bacon salt? The most interesting though was when Jesus said, "Take this and eat it, this is my bacon. You guys are pretty cool dudes and I dont mind hooking you up with this sweet bacon."
Yes, bacon is the most misunderstood piece of the bible. After all, Judas didnt betray Jesus for 30 gold pieces, it was 30 lbs of bacon. He knew what was up.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

The makin' of our fascination!

Lo, has the honor has been bestowed to come across physical evidence of how the chewy and/or crispy bacon food treasure is created. This evidence, which came from at least 10 minutes of non-painstaking searching of the global knowledge contained within "YouTube", provides some of the most sought after knowledge in the world! Yes, true believers, this is totally cereal, not a false claim, not a dream - you read it here first, second and third - this video provides some detail about how bacon is made! If blocked while trying to view this spectacle, seek out a network that allows knowledge to flow freely, in order to bask in the glory that is bacon. It is suggested of course, to have some bacon prepared and on-hand before watching the video to satisfy the bacon craving while learning about bacon... it's a win-win! Here it is now for your viewing pleasure and educational needs:

I love the smell of bacon in the morning


...and all day, every day! Imagine a bacon air freshener. Mmmmmm... man that would be nice. I dont know if I could handle that though. All I would smell is bacon and I wouldnt have any. I certainly couldnt eat the air freshener... could I? I suppose in a bacon pinch, I might. Unless, someone can come up with the travel bacon. Hmmmmmm...

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Waves of Bacon await you!

This heaven sent "As Seen On TV" product will cook "waves" of bacon - up to 14 slices of bacon infused ambrosia. The only problem is that there is less fat, grease, cholesterol and calories; as the "Bacon Wave" ushers the grease away in it's built in fat removal tray. During the process of cooking in the microwave, you can watch with delight how your bacon is getting ready to satisfy your bacon cravin'. To recapture those potentially lost calories, pour the liquid gold over your freshly crisped bacon, to further enhance your bacon experience!

Halloween Costumes

It isnt too early to start thinking about Halloween. Do you have your costume figured out yet? Maybe a Darkman/Hellraiser/Mr. Potatohead/Baconman mix? I think this is what all the kids are gonna be dressing like this year. It is basically the next Power Ranger or Hannah Montana.

Bacin' Aint Easy


My bacon hand is way strong! Bitch, betta have my bacon!

Wearing a hat like this is gonna command respect. When ho's be trippin' and bacon be drippin', you gotzta let 'em know fosho. So all you pimpalicous (that is a pimped out piece of delicious bacon) havin' mofo's betta get you some!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Holy New Bacon Invention Batman!


Some nerd over at International co. has created a new device that promised to cook bacon in less than 2 minutes! No longer does your wife have to slave over a hot oven or frying pan watching your bacon cook to perfection.


All she needs to do now is put your bacon in this "microwave" and the "waves" will cook the delicious bacon. This baby is only $545 and is worth every single penny. Think of how much more time your wife will be free to clean the house and do laundry when her bacon cooking time is reduced! So run home, slap your wife on the ass, and tell her to "microwave" you some bacon!

I, Bacon


It seems artificial intelligence was the only logical next step for bacon. Soon, bacon equipped with an advanced AI will become reality. What does this mean for human kind? Well, I think that is a foregone conclusion. As humans, we will likely become pets of the super-bacon. Or maybe we will become to bacon, what bacon is to us. It seems the transformation has begun. I for one, welcome our new bacon overlords.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Bacon at work


It's hard to go to work without bacon, am I right? All I do is think about it all day long. My boss comes in to yell me at, but I hear him say is "Bacon, bacon bacon! Baconing the bacon, bacon bacon!!!" So what can you do when you work at an anti-baconarium environment like this? Since the beginning of bacon time, man has yearned to answer this question.

Well now there is a solution, the bacon briefcase! Carry around your work in style, in pleasure, in bacon! Now, if only they could invent a bacon laptop...