Thursday, October 30, 2008

Happy Halloweeners!

Stolen from here... A sweet costume and guidelines on repreezentin' in your hood on halloween. So, keep yer bacon fryin and yer weeners hollow...

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

So Amazing... It's already sold out!

Hail Baconites! In our little area of the world, the sun is starting to angle away from us - causing us to want more bacon and watch football and hockey. While it is also a time to reflect on what was gained and what was lost, it it more importantly a time to dress warmer. From this we have learned of the bacon scarf being created and sold to the masses. However, before we could even get this article written - the scarf sold out - months ago! It is likely suspected that people, in dire need of bacon - thought this scarf was a strip of bacon from the cryptid known as "Mega-Sus Scrofa" or a.k.a. "Never Ending Bacon - NEB". "NEB" has not been confirmed or disconfirmed as of yet, but what is confirmed is that the amazing Bacon Scarf is still not back in stock, and Baconites in the north are looking for something to keep them warm in the coming months and for a mega-portion of bacon. Will the cries of both be answered? Will the scarf come back in stock? Will NEB be found? Keep coming back for updates True Baconites!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Dark Rumors

There is a report at this hour, that the Bacon Party is awash in Scandal...

From the New York Times: "The Bacon Party today, after it's revelation that candidate Mr. X was found to be a Canadian Bacon Sympathizer, is now reeling from the hint that it's Vice Presidential Candidate has been linked to nefarious activities, including the consumption of Turkey Bacon, or Facon, as it is known to Baconists. This is leading to all out infighting in the Bacon Party ranks.
The Party is trying to keep itself whole, all the while being rent by allegations and the desire for "inclusiveness". Party insiders tell this reporter that there is a growing movement within the Bacon Party to expand it's borders and to be more of a "Big Pan" party, to open itself up to non-pork based bacon products.
Bacon Fundamentalists within the party find this inconceivable. While they do admit to the existence of these products, they hold them to be substandard and non-Bacon-y products, lacking the inherent goodness of true Bacon. Their lack of salt curing, and their out and out "flaunting" of their non-porcine origins enrage some in the more pork-centric wing of the party.
Meanwhile, there is a growing number of Baconists that feel that it is time to lay down the old prejudices against non-pork bacon, and to accept it. There are many reasons given by the Progressive Baconists. Among them, the need for a "kinder, gentler" Bacon Party. Also, they feel that the duty of bacon is to include all foods that desire to be like bacon, and they wish to see that trend applauded from within the party itself.
While the Bacon Party appears to be staying its course, for the moment, this is nonetheless, "out of the frying pan and into the fire" for the campaign. With its chitlins laid bare, so to speak, the Bacon Party must now rally internally and find some common ground to proceed from. Most analysts agree that the hardest part is yet to come. Will the Clepper/Larkin ticket be able to ask forgiveness a la Jim Baker? Or will it be the Teflon Frying Pan approach of Bill Clinton? Or yet again, the crispy and honest talk like we once saw from Ronald Reagan?
No one knows yet how the camp will respond, but you can bet it will be with bacon in their hearts, well arteries anyway, and a tasty smell of bacon and hope in the air."

Monday, October 27, 2008

Scandal Rocks the Clepper Camp

The NY Times reported today that Mr. X is not the bacon backer he pretends to be! It seems the bogus bacon believer is busted! Lately, Clepper has been seen eating CANADIAN BACON! Not only is he eating it, but he is talking with the Prime Minister of Bacon for Canada "Jos Bleau" (pronounced "Joe Blow") over the bacon meals. The conversations have largely been focused on outsourcing Americans Bacon industry to Canada, thereby eliminating American Bacon as we know it today. This will surely take the wind out of the sails of the Clepper group which has largely been funded by Big Bacon throughout this campaign.

We caught up with Clepper outside a hockey game where he was hanging out with some mounted police, Celine Dion, and a Moose. He had this to say about the scandal, "I love bacon as much as any red-blooded artery-clogged American. These claims are an outrage, eh! If you will excuse me, I am late for my appointment to be fitted for a new tuque."
Baconation will follow this story closely and will break into your regularly schedule web surfing with any new developments.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Bacon Party Launches Campaign for the Big One '08!!!

Indeed, we are now in the midst of a tight race. Our opponents are slinging their political mud, and we are slinging hot, searing bacon grease right back at them.

The Bacon Party has gone Viral!!! (No, not like trichinosis...)

Read our new Facebook page (Search for Clepper/Larkin '08 on Facebook) and join the Movement!!! Bacon, it's not just for breakfast anymore!!!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Bacon Salt of the Earth!

Hail True Baconites! Not to dare to upstage the campaign news of the Bacon Party, but this must be made known! While already in existence, we do not think it is mostly known here, mostly. It is the amazing creation of Bacon Salt! Hell yeah! Bacon salt can be used in most anything - including bacon! Imagine if you will... hunger strikes - you search the fridge - the freezer - under the couch - in the garage - but NO BACON! What the hell are you going to do? You can't run to the store, the game is about to start and you can't leave now to get more bacon - then the kids start screaming about going to "Krustyland' and your wife is saying that the gutter needs fixing... perspiration forms on your head, your stomach screams for bacon and then you realize your fists are in tight balls and you have no bacon, what is this world coming to when a man can't have some damn bacon before the game? "NO!" you scream "There isn't a 'Krustyland' - it's all made up!" your eyes on fire while your kids reel in horror... "We don't have gutters!" spinning, seeing sweat flick off your head and you pull at your hair, while your wife rolls her eyes at you. Then it hits you, "I have Bacon Salt!" Yes praise the gwads! "Bacon Salt can be added to anything, potatoes, tomatoes, cereal and of course - bacon" you recall quickly. Seeing that the kickoff is nearing, you bum-rush the kitchen and plowing through your family in the process, grab some popcorn, the Bacon Salt and a sixpack. While popping the popcorn you crack a beer and dump some Beer Salt in your beer. You then plow your way back through, knocking over the Lincoln Log tower your son setup - you babble an apology as you sit down with all your supplies and proceed to create a blizzard of bacon-salted popcorn... and you just made the kickoff... but fail to see your wife swinging a gutter above your noggin.

Date Line: Central Minnesota, Bacon declares it's candidacy!!!

Allright, not so much bacon as the Bacon Party.

I know, "I always knew bacon was a party, duh!!" No, this is the Bacon Party, and the candidates have joined the race for the White House! Our ticket is the Bacon progressive Clepper/Larkin pairing.
More to come on this momentous moment in the history of bacon and it's impact on America and the American way of life.
Read more and see the candidates views and the party's platform by joining the campaign's FaceBook group!
It's time to stand up America, why not stand up with bacon?

Thursday, October 23, 2008

The Washington Bacon's

After years of controversy and bigotry the racist white owner of the Washington Redskins finally agreed to change the team name. The owner, Dan Snyder, agreed to this only after an Indian chief performed a rain dance and killed a buffalo during last weeks halftime show.

The owner thought that the team needed a new image, something everyone would like, bacon. From now on the team will be known as the Washington Bacon's, and will have a team of bacon cheerleaders who pass out bacon and do bacon dances. When asked what he thought of the name change, Washington Bacon's star running back Clinton Portis said "Man, you know man, I really sure do like bacon a lot mores than any Indians."

Updated Bacon Flow Chart

After much field research and customer opinion surveys, it has been determined that the original bacon flow chart (found HERE) was deemed too complex. The above flowchart has been updated to more accurately reflect the views of all humans on earth.

Please contact your Local Representative for clarification requests.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Bacon value on the rise

With the economy in the dumps and economic uncertainty around every corner, it is time to start thinking about investing a real future, the bacon future. This is different than the pork futures in that it is better. Alan Greenspan recently was quoted as saying, "Mmmm... I like bacon." ...and he is Jewish, that has to be a good sign, right?

Invest today and don't forget to buy American bacon because all other bacon is Nazi bacon.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

What do you carry your lunch in?

I suppose if I am gonna bring my lunch to my school/work/camp/orgy/stalk/park, I will want to show everyone what I am carrying. The best way to do that? In a bacon lunchbox, obviously! I shouldnt need to explain, there is a picture right there ^ Ugh!!

Go buy one, now!

Don't pick at it... even though it may be delicious!

True-Baconers you may or may not know this, but bacon can be used to heal! That's right, bacon has healing powers! However, while the totality of the bacon powers have not been revealed yet, the healing factor, to date, has been limited to bandages. As you can see next to this article and also here, these bandages, are quite tempting. Note also include these look like eggs; which is of course is a distraction to keep you from eating the bacon bandages. Although these are synthetic bacon strips, it is believed that these bacon bandages are still imbued with the healing power of bacon! You just need to resist the temptation to pick at the bacon-aid while it heals you. It has been said that you can increase the healing power of bacon, by cooking up some real bacon - see the previous post on how to cook it - and while you are eating - you are healing! Amazing... simply amazing.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

How to cook bacon

Bacon Cooking Tips

• If the packaged sliced bacon is cold from the refrigerator, slowly slide the dull edge of a butter knife along the length between the strips, gently rocking to separate slices. Plan ahead and take the bacon out of the refrigerator thirty minutes before cooking. The slices should separate easily.

• When frying bacon, it's important to keep a close eye on it and turn it often. It can burn in the blink of an eye. Older bacon will cook and burn almost twice as quickly as fresh bacon.

• If you prefer very crispy bacon, choose thinner slices to fry up. Pour or baste off the fat as it accumulates in the pan. Use medium to medium-low heat. Cook slowly, turning often, to render out the most fat and help reduce shrinkage. Pricking with a fork will help alleviate any curling problems. Drain breakfast bacon on paper towels.

• The fat rendered from the cooked bacon is highly-prized as a cooking oil for its flavor. After cooking the bacon, cool the rendered oil to room temperature and then pour through a fine sieve into a glass container. Cover and store in the refrigerator or freezer for future use. If you do not need the rendered fat, let it cool to room temperature, pour into a disposable metal or glass container, seal, tie up in a plastic bag, and toss into the trash. It's not wise to pour it down the drain, because it will coagulate and clog up the drain.

• There are fancy microwave bacon cookers on the market which work well, but they are not necessary. Place a microwave-safe paper towel in a micro dish large enough to fit a single layer of bacon slices (4 to 6 slices). Cover with another paper towel. Six slices should take about 4 to 5 minutes on high, depending on the wattage of your microwave and the thickness of the bacon. Start checking after the first two minutes, and continue cooking at one minute intervals until you can judge the cooking time for the way you like it. Consult your microwave manual for more specific times. A rotating base in the microwave is highly recommended for even cooking, and most come with one built in these days. Remember that foods continue to cook even after the timer goes off in a microwave, so let it rest a few minutes before you dive in to let it crisp up and avoid burns. Curly bacon never bothers me, but this method reduces curling of the bacon.

• Bacon can also be easily baked in the oven, resulting in amazingly flat slices. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Place a rack inside a baking sheet. Lay out slices and bake for 10 to 15 minutes, depending on desired doneness level. Voila! Crispy bacon with no curls. You can also use your broiler, but I don't recommend it. First of all, the splatters not only make a royal mess, but also cause flares. Secondly, it requires much more attention. Stick with frying, microwaving or baking.

• How can you reduce splattering problems? Part of the problem arises from today's quick salt-brining method (known as pickle-curing) used by producers. The liquid naturally soaks into the meat, and you know what happens when liquid hits hot oil -- snap, crackle, pop! Be sure the bacon slices are cold from the refrigerator and start with a cold pan. Use medium to medium-low heat and take your time cooking the slices, turning often. It's preferable to thaw frozen bacon in the refrigerator to reduce moisture, but even then some of the moisture may naturally seep out. Towel off the slices before cooking to avoid excess splattering.

• If you must watch your fat intake, lean smoked ham or prosciutto can be substituted in many recipes where the rendered bacon fat is not needed. Turkey, chicken and vegetarian bacon products are also available.

• Most slab bacon is sold with the rind attached. Remove the rind before using. Render the fat from the rind by frying and you have cracklings, a favorite Southern snack.

Information provided from

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Package Of Bacon Forces Evacuation At Lawmaker's Office

WEST CHESTER, Ohio -- One of Rep. John Boehner’s local offices was evacuated Monday afternoon after a suspicious package arrived in the mail.

Message On Pork Barrel Spending Causes Big Scare

Staffers received the letter from Georgia by U.S. mail. After noticing it was leaking an oily substance, they called the Capitol police in Washington, who advised them to evacuate as a precaution and call in local authorities.

Multiple police agencies responded to the Republican congressman’s West Chester office and began an investigation.

After an X-ray analysis, investigators determined the package contained bacon.

A spokeswoman said it's ironic someone would send Boehner bacon because he has spent his career fighting pork barrel spending.

No injuries were reported, and the incident remains under investigation. A note found in the package with the bacon was not disclosed by authorities.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Perplexing Bacon Paradox

This is a problem that has been bothering me for quite some time now. If you were to have x slices of bacon and x+1 mouths to feed, who would not get some bacon? You or one of your associates? What if all the associates are hot chicks?

Also, if you have x slices of bacon and x-1 people, who gets the extra slice of bacon? Would I get it because I am just that awesome? Or do I get it because I like bacon more than the next person? What if there is a hot chick? Should I try and seduce her with the extra slice of bacon or eat it myself? These are tough questions and I hope I am never in a situation where I need to make life or death bacon decisions. Because knowing me, I would just eat all the bacon and tell everyone that I accidental bought turkey bacon (no one likes turkey bacon).

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Happy Birthday to the Baconation creator, Smidge! Smidge is looking to engorge himself on a bacon flavored cake with a side of bacon grease to warsh it all down! Happy Birthday Smidge!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Say "Bacon" in Sign Language

Some day you may need to tell a deaf person you need bacon. Or even worse, you become a mute and cant tell someone you want bacon! Or worse still, you have been deaf and mute all your life and have never been able to succesfully ask for bacon! Well sir, learn this now!