Bacon for the Apocolypse

2012 is just around the corner kids! Start prepping your fall out shelter with the right survival gear. Zombie killing shotguns, anti-Antichrist spray, Mad magazines, an automatic high five generating machine to keep you company, beer, and of course, plenty of Tactical Bacon! This fine invention will keep you happily full of bacon for at least 10 years. At the end of that 10 years though, the bacon's shelf life is no more. Should that happen, I recommend taking yourself out with the shotgun. If you are out of ammo, this is simple. Become a zombie and eat other survivors, but skin them and add Bacon Salt to their flesh to make it seem like you are eating bacon.

Bacon Salt of the Earth!

Hail True Baconites! Not to dare to upstage the campaign news of the Bacon Party, but this must be made known! While already in existence, we do not think it is mostly known here, mostly. It is the amazing creation of Bacon Salt! Hell yeah! Bacon salt can be used in most anything - including bacon! Imagine if you will... hunger strikes - you search the fridge - the freezer - under the couch - in the garage - but NO BACON! What the hell are you going to do? You can't run to the store, the game is about to start and you can't leave now to get more bacon - then the kids start screaming about going to "Krustyland' and your wife is saying that the gutter needs fixing... perspiration forms on your head, your stomach screams for bacon and then you realize your fists are in tight balls and you have no bacon, what is this world coming to when a man can't have some damn bacon before the game? "NO!" you scream "There isn't a 'Krustyland' - it's all made up!" your eyes on fire while your kids reel in horror... "We don't have gutters!" spinning, seeing sweat flick off your head and you pull at your hair, while your wife rolls her eyes at you. Then it hits you, "I have Bacon Salt!" Yes praise the gwads! "Bacon Salt can be added to anything, potatoes, tomatoes, cereal and of course - bacon" you recall quickly. Seeing that the kickoff is nearing, you bum-rush the kitchen and plowing through your family in the process, grab some popcorn, the Bacon Salt and a sixpack. While popping the popcorn you crack a beer and dump some Beer Salt in your beer. You then plow your way back through, knocking over the Lincoln Log tower your son setup - you babble an apology as you sit down with all your supplies and proceed to create a blizzard of bacon-salted popcorn... and you just made the kickoff... but fail to see your wife swinging a gutter above your noggin.