Thursday, February 19, 2009

Bacon and Tofu

I dont need to create a description for this image! Get off my ass!

Friday, February 6, 2009

Baconman kills again... this time Oprah!

The Baconman has struck again, this time killing talk show host Oprah. According to a source close to the victim, Baconman's number one enemy was Oprah. Apparently he interrupted her mid-show and cut off her head in front of hundreds of witnesses. He then ran off stage still holder her bleeding head singing to himself. The clip of the beheading is reportedly on the Youtube and has already received 100,000,000 views in just a few short hours. We are all secretly thanking Baconman for this. Oprah's head has not been recovered.

Former 'MST3K' writer pledges to eat only bacon this month

What a mega-super-stud!!!

From his blog: "Bacon is wonderful and would never hurt you. Bacon loves you." That brought a tear to my eye, true poet.

I think the underlying story here is too obvious to have to elaborate on, but I will, for you the loyal reader. Mike Nelson is clearly the coolest dude on the planet. Cooler than Ice Man, Mr. Freeze, the dog from the Slurpee cups, Billy Dee Williams, a cucumber, a Polar Bear's toenails, and the other side of the pillow combined!

Anyone for starting The Church of the Holy Mike Nelson with me?

Read the blog here:

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Bacon Man kills NEB!!!

The bacon man has killed the NEB. Apparently the bacon man was tired of the lame ass NEB poking around and overall being a worthless piece of bacon crap that no one could enjoy, so he gutted that pig like a fish.

Bacon man is a figurine made of bad ass mouth watering delicious bacon. This bad ass bacon dude was first found here, I recommend going there and learning to building your own. You never know when you'll need to protect yourself from a bastard NEB. Peace out bacon fans, sorry for the delayed absence. Glad to be back. -Smidge

Enemy of N.E.B. discovered!

Flash Baconites! While looking to the skies for a chance to spot N.E.B. (Never Ending Bacon) and may hap catch a pound of cooked bacon to go with some beer, we just happened to catch a glimpse of N.E.B. but it was hauling bacon ass bobbing and weaving and we could not understand why that was and why we weren't getting bacon, until we saw what was causing the commotion and why my stomach stopped screaming for bacon; at least for 10 seconds - horrible in itself. What we saw chasing poor little N.E.B. was horrifying, terrifying and funny all at once. First heard about by Comedy Central's South Park first broke the news about another cryptid, that being of course known as "ManBearPig." We witnessed ManBearPig trying to chase after N.E.B. and probably cause harm or at least insult N.E.B. Why, we have no idea at this point, but perhaps it was because a part of ManBearPig, maybe 1/3 of it considers N.E.B. a traitor to the ilk of "Mega-Sus Scrofa" by freely distributing the food treasure of bacon, or maybe because N.E.B. is cute and ManBearPig makes you almost want to vomit your bacon. So beware Baconites, while searching for N.E.B. and maybe some free bacon, be on the lookout for ManBearPig - that foo is a crazy-ass! More information to follow as it develops - right here at!

Original photo credit posted on the photo - now I can has bacon?

Monday, February 2, 2009

N.E.B. Sighting!

Hail Baconites! Flash! N.E.B. (Never Ending Bacon) has been spotted over a field in Montana back around 1977! The picture looks like a UFO, however our discerning scientists here at the nation has discerned that the object is actually a camouflaged flying pig that we have dubbed N.E.B.! A N.E.B. paradigm dons our blog here doing what N.E.B. does as well, flies around and releases a never ending bounty of bacon! The government has tried to locate N.E.B. but cannot at this point, as it continually bobs as it flies, staying underneath most radar systems. Occasionally it lands to eat slops it finds or slops left out. Why leave out slops? According to legend, if you're really good and leave out slops - N.E.B. may visit, eat the slops, grunt and drop off a pound or two of cooked bacon! Now sightings of N.E.B. have been rare, as most people are eating the bacon dropped when N.E.B. flies by and their hands are too greasy to hold a camera steady, but stay tuned true Baconites, right here at, for more updates and out of focus pictures of N.E.B.!