Gimme a "B"!

Hail thee all Baconites! As I sit here contemplating life and bacon, I had the urge to post, or re-post a bit o'bacon, nay a sponsorship of bacon by Jim Gaffigan. I know you've seen, hell we all have, but I need me a larf and bacon dreams! Jim Gaffigan and Bacon!

New bacon recipe

In honor of Defender of the Fatherland Day in Russia, I decided to post a healthy bacon recipe. Here is the recipe:

2 lbs fresh bacon

1 lbs maple bacon

1 lbs smoked bacon

2 lbs honey bacon

2 ounces of brussel spouts.

Cook in a pan until bacon is delicious. Note, actual recipe will not look like picture.

Bacon or Beer Can?

Damn, the Jamaicans might be the coolest people on earth! They have found a way, with their awesome language, to make the word "Bacon" be the same as "Beer Can". The 2 greatest substances on the planet. This is the next best thing since the Eskimos many words for snow, or the Jews many words for money. Have a look HERE for the proof. (Need sound)

Bacon and Tofu

I dont need to create a description for this image! Get off my ass!

Happy Turkey-Bacon Day!

Hail Baconites and Happy Thanksgiving! While it has already been stated here about the combination of turkey and bacon, we just thought we should point out that this is the one time of year in the U.S. that it is allowed to combine bacon with turkey. The reason is that turkey tends to steal the "flavoroids" (a completely "scientific" term and not contrived to be assured... *cough*) from bacon; this obviously is punishable by law, at least it should be. However, this is the time of year we give thanks for all we have... especially bacon, and think of those who do not have enough bacon. If you celebrate Thanksgiving, you should bring an extra couple of pounds of bacon wherever you go to celebrate just in case there is not enough bacon to go around. If you notice the turkey is not wrapped in bacon, you can then stuff a pound or two of bacon inside the turkey before it is put into the oven, thereby ensuring a successful celebration! If you are going to a place that will be serving a ham instead of a turkey, it can be almost guaranteed that if you bring your gift of bacon, you will be able to lobby to have the ham wrapped in bacon! Oh yeah baby! Have a safe and happy holiday Baconites!

When I die...

...I know what heaven will be like.

Turbaconducken

Happy ThanksForBaconGiving everyone!

This year, think of your loved ones. Don't serve them boring old turkey on Thanksgiving. Give them something they will love, give them happiness, give them bacon! It is bacon-wrapped chicken, inside bacon-wrapped duck, inside bacon-wrapped turkey. It is a virtual Bacornucopia of a feast. Oh man, my mouth is watering thinking about this. This could only be improved by serving the cranberries with bacon bits mixed in.

More details on Turbaconducken.

Bacon Pr0n!

Hail Baconites! Are you feeling naughty, randy and in the mood for bacon? Well we here in the bacon labs have uncovered some bacon pr0n for those times when you cannot cook up some bacon yourself. This could go in so many directions - but lets, at least initially, keep it at just watching the bacon cook up! Yeah, oh yeah... fry it up baby! Ohhhh yeeahhh... it's soooo gooood! So good, it may in fact, be evil... eeevil!

Something is wrong with my bacon

Can anyone help me? What is happening?

We got yer bacon heah!

Hail Baconites! In our never-ending search for quicker bacon - we have discovered yet another method for cooking bacon for those times you wish to make a blanket and couch cushion fort and hoard some bacon for yourself. Yes, recapture that time in your past when all you cared about was forts, bacon and the next cartoon or 3 Stooges episode coming next on T.V.; you know - last week! But in order to complete your journey to those nostalgic times, you need bacon, and you need it quick. If you cannot locate your "Bacon Wave", worry not - you can still have a plate o'bacon in relatively short time by just simply following the instructions in this video. I know, I know... it is amazing, and better yet, it's all true! So, start building your fort... in front of the T.V. of course, get your flashlight, watch this video, then make the bacon and lock yourself in your fort and drift back to those days of carefree caring.

Bacon iPhone Case

Leave it to the Germans! Is there anything they cant do? First they invent the Bacon Hitler, then they scare the Jews into becoming bacovores, now "Die Bacon Tasche" for your iPhone? Sweet! Das Bacon!

Those of you without an iPhone, don't cry, pansies. You can use this for other things too, like keeping your drugs, your cigarettes, your portable copy of the dictionary, or a little black book with the addresses of all your favorite bacon places in town.

So Amazing... It's already sold out!

Hail Baconites! In our little area of the world, the sun is starting to angle away from us - causing us to want more bacon and watch football and hockey. While it is also a time to reflect on what was gained and what was lost, it it more importantly a time to dress warmer. From this we have learned of the bacon scarf being created and sold to the masses. However, before we could even get this article written - the scarf sold out - months ago! It is likely suspected that people, in dire need of bacon - thought this scarf was a strip of bacon from the cryptid known as "Mega-Sus Scrofa" or a.k.a. "Never Ending Bacon - NEB". "NEB" has not been confirmed or disconfirmed as of yet, but what is confirmed is that the amazing Bacon Scarf is still not back in stock, and Baconites in the north are looking for something to keep them warm in the coming months and for a mega-portion of bacon. Will the cries of both be answered? Will the scarf come back in stock? Will NEB be found? Keep coming back for updates True Baconites!

Don't pick at it... even though it may be delicious!

True-Baconers you may or may not know this, but bacon can be used to heal! That's right, bacon has healing powers! However, while the totality of the bacon powers have not been revealed yet, the healing factor, to date, has been limited to bandages. As you can see next to this article and also here, these bandages, are quite tempting. Note also include these look like eggs; which is of course is a distraction to keep you from eating the bacon bandages. Although these are synthetic bacon strips, it is believed that these bacon bandages are still imbued with the healing power of bacon! You just need to resist the temptation to pick at the bacon-aid while it heals you. It has been said that you can increase the healing power of bacon, by cooking up some real bacon - see the previous post on how to cook it - and while you are eating - you are healing! Amazing... simply amazing.

C'mon - gimme some of your... bacon tots!

Whaaa...? Bacon wrapped tots?!? "Pfft - Yeah - pfft!" I hear you say, but lo and hearken True-Baconers - 'tis as true as the North Star... 'tis! This heaven sent dish was first reported waaayyyy back in 2007 by a heaven sent blog called "Bacon Unwrapped". In this blog "Bacon Wrapped Tots", we see how the author dared to combine the pure essence of bacon with the amazing invention of tots, and finding out it can yield, yet again a dish for us to marvel and feast upon while watching Masterpiece Theatre or the Presidential Debates. However, True-Baconers, the author was not, could not be finished. Nay. The author had to seek a professional venue for this creation and found it in the eclectic state of Iowa; specifically, in the High-Life Lounge in Des Moines. Much thanks to Heather Lauer for her investigative efforts into our favorite food source and much luck to her and her forthcoming book! True-Baconers, marvel upon Ms. Lauer's and the other bacon pioneers we have already and will continue to report right here to inspire you to dare to dream, experiment and feast upon... bacon!

Bacanarchist Cookbook

I have this poster hanging in my kitchen to remind me. I have never HAD to butcher a pig, if I did, I would know what parts to cook.

Here is a little Simpson's humor to describe how awesome this animal is:

Homer: Wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute. Lisa honey, are you saying you're *never* going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?

Lisa: No.

Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.

Homer: Pork chops?

Lisa: Dad! Those all come from the same animal!

Homer: [Chuckles] Yeah, right Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

MP3 of the soundbyte

Crytpid-ish Creation!

Hark True-Baconers! There has been a discovery that the world may know about, but may not... but will... NOW! A discovery has been degreased way back in 2006 concerning a unknown type of dish that sounds like an "In Search Of..." episode. A food creation, before coming into being, must have surely caused some eyebrows to be raised and sanity questioned before being revealed into the world.

In Snook, Texas, a local steak house had discovered a creation that had the local clientele frothing for more. What could this possibly be? Bigfoot bacon? - No! Bacon flavored Loch Ness Monster flippers? - No! Chupacabra bacon rinds? - No! All of these sound good, but it... it was... Chicken Fried Bacon Strips! Unlike the existence of Bigfoot and other cryptids, the existence of this wonder food delight has been beyond a shadow of a doubt - proven, and more importantly... confirmed to be delicious! Cast your eyes upon this tale told by the Texas Country Reporter about this bacon enthusiast, Frank Sodolak and his amazing and addictive creation!

Bacon-Vodka!

True-Baconers - you will not believe what we have come across! The perfect drink for enjoying with bacon!... Nooo... not bacon grease... well maybe on a cold winter or rainy day... no we are talking about Bacon flavored Vodka! You may think we jest, but this is nay a jest! Check out the recipe for Bacon Vodka, and lose yourself in the possibilities of enjoying a pint of this bacon flavored nectar while eating a fine side of bacon and watching rugby, football or Porky's. Yes True-Baconers, bacon-drenched inebriation awaits!

Bring It Back!

Bring what back you ask? What - are you serious or cereal?!? Can it be that you have never heard of the bacon ambrosia that resides... in a can? Yes True-Baconers! Bacon did come once in a can - and with some type of monumental effort, it is here again! There is a movement right now at this site dedicated to the product: Canned Bacon by Celebrity Foods, that shows the hidden treasure that can be ours again. They detail at the site just how the product looks in and outside of the can and in the fryin' pan. After reviewing the product, it has a potential shelf life of over 20 years! You don't get much more perfect than that. Take a gander at the site and marvel at how a once lost treasure can again be a reality!

"Bakin' Bacon with Macon" a la South Park

Hello True Baconers! A few years ago the creators of South Park, Matt Stone and Trey Parker, explored the tenets of bacon and it's many uses. Marvel at their mastery of the goodness that is bacon. The co-creators also introduce a South Park episode, which unfortunately, this clip does not provide. Fortunately, we do see Macon, the show-stealing sidekick, explore the questions of eating bacon and the possible betrayal of one's own ilk and values.

We, however, gain the insight of how yet again, the versatility of the bacon and how it can serve, as not only a entree, but also as an edible garnish. The only area not explored in this video is how the residual bacon grease could serve as a type of gravy or dipping sauce. Perhaps one day True Baconers... perhaps. Please enjoy Mr. Stone and Mr. Parker's presentation: "Bakin' Bacon with Macon" - and see how much Macon gets taken by the bacon!

In case of emergency, eat bacon

These days, you dont know what problems you might face. Terrorism, econonmy crisis, Nazi's, Ninjas, karate explosions, bacon shortages... ooohh... that last one freaked me out! That is why I keep an emergency bacon supply close by... and some eggs for good measure. So, just remember, the threat level is orange, like the color bacon turns just before it is ready to eat!