Bacon and Morality

Is bacon evil? Is bacon good? Is bacon some new kind of moral behavior called simply "bacon"? Theologists have pondered this for many years. The fact of the matter is, bacon is a critcal part of Christian dogma.
Did you know that Eve didnt eat an apple, but rather a piece of bacon and God got super pissed because it was his bacon and didnt want to have to cook another? Or, did you know that in the story of Noah, it wasnt an olive branch, but rather a strip of bacon in the mouth of the dove? How about when Lot's wife looked back at Sodom and turned into bacon salt? The most interesting though was when Jesus said, "Take this and eat it, this is my bacon. You guys are pretty cool dudes and I dont mind hooking you up with this sweet bacon."
Yes, bacon is the most misunderstood piece of the bible. After all, Judas didnt betray Jesus for 30 gold pieces, it was 30 lbs of bacon. He knew what was up.