Sunday, December 14, 2008
Drunken fiend damands bacon!
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Its a Bird, Its a Plane, Its...
I'm not a praying man, but if you are up there, save me Baconman! ...and you too Baconman's sidekick, Bacon Bit.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
I wanna wowwipop... with bacon!
The good people at Lollyphile, who are also the creators of the Absinthe Lollipops have produced a marvel in Maple-Bacon Lollipops! Yes! They are a reality... and truly can be yours! It can be argued that snacking during the day can either help or hurt you in you're quest to gain the body you've always wanted. So while you read and search about the best ways to achieve your goal, you can actually burn and take in calories, by popping one of these beauties into mouth and suck your way to good health! Now it could be argued that taking in pure Vermont maple syrup and bacon can be bad for you, however, think of this... your body is working hard just to take it in! If nothing else, your body won't gain or lose weight, plus you get your bacon and sugar at the same time! Genius! Now Baconites, sally forth and go suck it!
Addition to keyboards?
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Bacon Abroad
Canadian: Real American Bacon, none of your crap!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Pucker Up!
Monday, December 1, 2008
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Bacon Pizza
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Happy Turkey-Bacon Day!
Turbaconducken
Happy ThanksForBaconGiving everyone!
This year, think of your loved ones. Don't serve them boring old turkey on Thanksgiving. Give them something they will love, give them happiness, give them bacon! It is bacon-wrapped chicken, inside bacon-wrapped duck, inside bacon-wrapped turkey. It is a virtual Bacornucopia of a feast. Oh man, my mouth is watering thinking about this. This could only be improved by serving the cranberries with bacon bits mixed in.
More details on Turbaconducken.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Bacon Lampshade
The lighting in my house sucks! All my light bulbs are those stupid fluorescent ones that take forever to light up. When they finally do, everything has this bright blue tone to it. My house looks like the shopping aisles at K-Mart.
Sure, I know what you will say, just go buy a new lampshade that is darker and will filter out the color. Well you've got some nerve mister! You cant go around telling people what to do, that is how Hitler got started. You are clearly as bad as a person as Hitler... well, not Bacon Hitler, he is awesome!
No, instead I think I will invest my time and effort to create a bacon lampshade! Man, that will be so cool. My house will have white, orange, and brown stripes all over it! Plus, if the light stays on for a while and heats up the bacon, I can eat it or let the smell permeate my house.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Hats off to honorable men
On a slight deviation than the usual posts, I would like to take some time to thank the hard working men (women don't make bacon, they can only cook it) at all the bacon factories around the world (except in Canada, as those aren't real bacon factories). For those uneducated on the genesis of bacon, it isn't just some magic pork product which grows on trees. It is made in the heartland of America, by real Americans, and by real men.
It's these men that allow us to enjoy bacon on a daily basis. It's these men that make my quality of life frickin awesome (by eating lots of bacon). It's these men, that work countless hours butchering and cutting that delicious animal flesh out of pigs which are destined to live on in my belly. To these men, I take my hat off..., I thank you for all your hard work. I raise my last piping hot slice of bacon to you. To all the unsung heroes of the bacon industry, "You Rock"!
Bacon Henge
Bacon Henge is bacon wrapped french toast sticks built on a mass of eggs, peppers, onions, and umm... lets say more bacon.
You can find the recipe HERE. This would go great with a tall glass of baconade... mmmm...
Too good for dogs?
Wait... to get back on topic here, dogs - yeah - dogs with bacon... no wait - it's fake bacon! Bwah-hah-hah-hah! They don't get the real thing! Yeah - take that Fido! We are in control, because we have the bacon dammit! So much for their plot for world domination - they can't even get real bacon. Losers!
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Failed Business Idea
Fun fact: Everyone in this video is dead now because Sizzlean was made of 90% asbestos and 10% horse manure.
L’eau de bacon pour homme
I don't need this, personally. I eat so much bacon I sweat out the sweet bacon aroma. But for some of you lazy bacon slobs, this would be perfect. You could use this to find that special lady that likes bacon as much as you do. This handy locator will help you find the location of the right ladies for this kind of bacon lovin.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Bacon Pr0n!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
We got yer bacon heah!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Area Man Proclaims his Love of Bacon
Area man, a self proclaimed bacon aficionado and blatant metrosexual, has proclaimed his undying and unnatural love of bacon. "I use bacon in everything I do. Every day, I stuff bacon in my undies, pour bacon grease in my gas tank, feed my ferret some bacon bits, and take a bacon bath." Some people might call this creepy, others really creepy, but he claims bacon works wonders on cleaning his pores. "I take bacon baths every night and my skin is marrrrrrrveloooooous!"
Is this normal? Is this odd? Is this something we should should all aspire to be? The answer is, yes to all those questions. You should find this man and learn everything about bacon he has to offer.
Bacon iPhone Case
Monday, November 17, 2008
Jews to accept bacon?
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Bacon Haiku's
It is pleasure for my mouth
I need bacon now
-smidge
Bacon dear bacon
how i love your crispiness
let me lick you now
-smidge
Fill me up bacon
I need you inside of me
mmm bacon mmm mmm good
-smidge
My doc says I'm ill
He suggests tons of bacon
I should comply now
-smidge
My bacon is good
My bacon is better though
My bacon is the best
-unknown
Bacon, Bacon bits,
Bacon cake, Bacon cookies,
Bacon sausages
-unknown
Once upon a time
There was a beautiful piece
of bacon, the end
-Mark
Submit your own bacon haiku via the comments section. If we like it, we will add it to this post.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Bacon Aisle at the Supermarket?
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Deadly Bacon Size Hail
The Meteorological and Environmentally Associated Teacher League Overseeing Verbal Emphasis on Revisioning Society(MEATLOVERS) has spoken out on a common discussion among weather forecasters everywhere. It seems basketball size hail is no longer to be considered the deadliest hail size. Across the country, hot weather girls have spoken of "bacon bit size" hail and considered it to be a harmless and cute name. However, it has caused more deaths this season than Ebola and the black plague combined.
Upon hearing the delicious weather report, hungry Americans are running outside to try to catch the bacon bits in their mouths. However, once outside, they realize it is nothing but ice. Many think their taste buds can no longer taste bacon and kill themselves instantly. Others simply realize they are idiots and take themselves out as well.
To remediate this threat to human life, weather girls worldwide are being asked to refer to hail of this size as "rat droppings" or "anal wart" size hail.
Friday, November 7, 2008
BACON WINS!
MORE INFORMATION
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Bacon Whiskey
Some of you more blue-collar bacon lovers may not find much use for Bacon Vodka, so we here at baconation want to make sure you have another solution to get you drunk and smelling like bacon. Gentleman Ham's Bacon Whiskey! The perfect drink for hoppin' on yer hog after slammin' some hog. Damn that's a good use of bacon.
So, I know, some of you bacon drunks cant afford this sort of luxury. That's OK, we are a full service bacon provider. For those of you that cant afford it, or simply cant find it at your local meat market/liquor store, here is a recipe to make your own!
Now, I am off to take a swig of this tasty concoction and maybe beat the first person I see.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
US...B...B...Bacon?
Have you ever wondered how smart bacon is? Have you ever pondered why your bacon can't also give you porn? Do you dream of keeping something bacon in your pants? Well... some brilliant dude over at inventorspot.com has started to market a USB stick of bacon!!! This bad ass piece of computer hardware can store 4 gigs (thats a lot of porn or bacon pictures) and it looks frickin delicious! Don't be cheap, go and buy a bunch of these. Then cook some bacon. Then eat the bacon and play with your hardware. Its like my mom always said, if it looks cool, play with it until it falls off (the table).
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Happy Halloweeners!
Stolen from here... A sweet costume and guidelines on repreezentin' in your hood on halloween. So, keep yer bacon fryin and yer weeners hollow...
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
So Amazing... It's already sold out!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Dark Rumors
There is a report at this hour, that the Bacon Party is awash in Scandal...
From the New York Times: "The Bacon Party today, after it's revelation that candidate Mr. X was found to be a Canadian Bacon Sympathizer, is now reeling from the hint that it's Vice Presidential Candidate has been linked to nefarious activities, including the consumption of Turkey Bacon, or Facon, as it is known to Baconists. This is leading to all out infighting in the Bacon Party ranks.
The Party is trying to keep itself whole, all the while being rent by allegations and the desire for "inclusiveness". Party insiders tell this reporter that there is a growing movement within the Bacon Party to expand it's borders and to be more of a "Big Pan" party, to open itself up to non-pork based bacon products.
Bacon Fundamentalists within the party find this inconceivable. While they do admit to the existence of these products, they hold them to be substandard and non-Bacon-y products, lacking the inherent goodness of true Bacon. Their lack of salt curing, and their out and out "flaunting" of their non-porcine origins enrage some in the more pork-centric wing of the party.
Meanwhile, there is a growing number of Baconists that feel that it is time to lay down the old prejudices against non-pork bacon, and to accept it. There are many reasons given by the Progressive Baconists. Among them, the need for a "kinder, gentler" Bacon Party. Also, they feel that the duty of bacon is to include all foods that desire to be like bacon, and they wish to see that trend applauded from within the party itself.
While the Bacon Party appears to be staying its course, for the moment, this is nonetheless, "out of the frying pan and into the fire" for the campaign. With its chitlins laid bare, so to speak, the Bacon Party must now rally internally and find some common ground to proceed from. Most analysts agree that the hardest part is yet to come. Will the Clepper/Larkin ticket be able to ask forgiveness a la Jim Baker? Or will it be the Teflon Frying Pan approach of Bill Clinton? Or yet again, the crispy and honest talk like we once saw from Ronald Reagan?
No one knows yet how the camp will respond, but you can bet it will be with bacon in their hearts, well arteries anyway, and a tasty smell of bacon and hope in the air."
Monday, October 27, 2008
Scandal Rocks the Clepper Camp
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Bacon Party Launches Campaign for the Big One '08!!!
The Bacon Party has gone Viral!!! (No, not like trichinosis...)
Read our new Facebook page (Search for Clepper/Larkin '08 on Facebook) and join the Movement!!! Bacon, it's not just for breakfast anymore!!!
Friday, October 24, 2008
Bacon Salt of the Earth!
Date Line: Central Minnesota, Bacon declares it's candidacy!!!
I know, "I always knew bacon was a party, duh!!" No, this is the Bacon Party, and the candidates have joined the race for the White House! Our ticket is the Bacon progressive Clepper/Larkin pairing.
More to come on this momentous moment in the history of bacon and it's impact on America and the American way of life.
Read more and see the candidates views and the party's platform by joining the campaign's FaceBook group!
It's time to stand up America, why not stand up with bacon?
Thursday, October 23, 2008
The Washington Bacon's
The owner thought that the team needed a new image, something everyone would like, bacon. From now on the team will be known as the Washington Bacon's, and will have a team of bacon cheerleaders who pass out bacon and do bacon dances. When asked what he thought of the name change, Washington Bacon's star running back Clinton Portis said "Man, you know man, I really sure do like bacon a lot mores than any Indians."
Updated Bacon Flow Chart
Monday, October 20, 2008
Bacon value on the rise
Invest today and don't forget to buy American bacon because all other bacon is Nazi bacon.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
What do you carry your lunch in?
Don't pick at it... even though it may be delicious!
Thursday, October 9, 2008
How to cook bacon
Bacon Cooking Tips
• If the packaged sliced bacon is cold from the refrigerator, slowly slide the dull edge of a butter knife along the length between the strips, gently rocking to separate slices. Plan ahead and take the bacon out of the refrigerator thirty minutes before cooking. The slices should separate easily.• When frying bacon, it's important to keep a close eye on it and turn it often. It can burn in the blink of an eye. Older bacon will cook and burn almost twice as quickly as fresh bacon.
• If you prefer very crispy bacon, choose thinner slices to fry up. Pour or baste off the fat as it accumulates in the pan. Use medium to medium-low heat. Cook slowly, turning often, to render out the most fat and help reduce shrinkage. Pricking with a fork will help alleviate any curling problems. Drain breakfast bacon on paper towels.
• The fat rendered from the cooked bacon is highly-prized as a cooking oil for its flavor. After cooking the bacon, cool the rendered oil to room temperature and then pour through a fine sieve into a glass container. Cover and store in the refrigerator or freezer for future use. If you do not need the rendered fat, let it cool to room temperature, pour into a disposable metal or glass container, seal, tie up in a plastic bag, and toss into the trash. It's not wise to pour it down the drain, because it will coagulate and clog up the drain.
• There are fancy microwave bacon cookers on the market which work well, but they are not necessary. Place a microwave-safe paper towel in a micro dish large enough to fit a single layer of bacon slices (4 to 6 slices). Cover with another paper towel. Six slices should take about 4 to 5 minutes on high, depending on the wattage of your microwave and the thickness of the bacon. Start checking after the first two minutes, and continue cooking at one minute intervals until you can judge the cooking time for the way you like it. Consult your microwave manual for more specific times. A rotating base in the microwave is highly recommended for even cooking, and most come with one built in these days. Remember that foods continue to cook even after the timer goes off in a microwave, so let it rest a few minutes before you dive in to let it crisp up and avoid burns. Curly bacon never bothers me, but this method reduces curling of the bacon.
• Bacon can also be easily baked in the oven, resulting in amazingly flat slices. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Place a rack inside a baking sheet. Lay out slices and bake for 10 to 15 minutes, depending on desired doneness level. Voila! Crispy bacon with no curls. You can also use your broiler, but I don't recommend it. First of all, the splatters not only make a royal mess, but also cause flares. Secondly, it requires much more attention. Stick with frying, microwaving or baking.
• How can you reduce splattering problems? Part of the problem arises from today's quick salt-brining method (known as pickle-curing) used by producers. The liquid naturally soaks into the meat, and you know what happens when liquid hits hot oil -- snap, crackle, pop! Be sure the bacon slices are cold from the refrigerator and start with a cold pan. Use medium to medium-low heat and take your time cooking the slices, turning often. It's preferable to thaw frozen bacon in the refrigerator to reduce moisture, but even then some of the moisture may naturally seep out. Towel off the slices before cooking to avoid excess splattering.
• If you must watch your fat intake, lean smoked ham or prosciutto can be substituted in many recipes where the rendered bacon fat is not needed. Turkey, chicken and vegetarian bacon products are also available.
• Most slab bacon is sold with the rind attached. Remove the rind before using. Render the fat from the rind by frying and you have cracklings, a favorite Southern snack.
Information provided from about.com
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Package Of Bacon Forces Evacuation At Lawmaker's Office
Message On Pork Barrel Spending Causes Big Scare
Staffers received the letter from Georgia by U.S. mail. After noticing it was leaking an oily substance, they called the Capitol police in Washington, who advised them to evacuate as a precaution and call in local authorities.
Multiple police agencies responded to the Republican congressman’s West Chester office and began an investigation.
After an X-ray analysis, investigators determined the package contained bacon.
A spokeswoman said it's ironic someone would send Boehner bacon because he has spent his career fighting pork barrel spending.
No injuries were reported, and the incident remains under investigation. A note found in the package with the bacon was not disclosed by authorities.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Perplexing Bacon Paradox
This is a problem that has been bothering me for quite some time now. If you were to have x slices of bacon and x+1 mouths to feed, who would not get some bacon? You or one of your associates? What if all the associates are hot chicks?
Also, if you have x slices of bacon and x-1 people, who gets the extra slice of bacon? Would I get it because I am just that awesome? Or do I get it because I like bacon more than the next person? What if there is a hot chick? Should I try and seduce her with the extra slice of bacon or eat it myself? These are tough questions and I hope I am never in a situation where I need to make life or death bacon decisions. Because knowing me, I would just eat all the bacon and tell everyone that I accidental bought turkey bacon (no one likes turkey bacon).
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Say "Bacon" in Sign Language
Some day you may need to tell a deaf person you need bacon. Or even worse, you become a mute and cant tell someone you want bacon! Or worse still, you have been deaf and mute all your life and have never been able to succesfully ask for bacon! Well sir, learn this now!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
C'mon - gimme some of your... bacon tots!
Thursday, September 25, 2008
John McCain hates bacon
John McCain hates bacon and he hates your ugly face. That is what is being reported from a press conference just minutes ago, and it is sending shockwaves through the bacon eating and voting community. He was quoted as saying "Bacon isn't good. I hate bacon. When I am president I will make bacon illegal". This comes as no surprise as his competition in this race, B. Obama, recently made the statement "Bacon is da bomb!" and has also been seen eating bacon-popsicles.
It looks like McCain is trying to distance himself from the aforementioned black guy, I think though that this may ultimately hurt him in the polls. I for one do not trust anyone who doesn't like bacon, specifically Jews and vegetarians.
Bacanarchist Cookbook
Homer: Wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute. Lisa honey, are you saying you're *never* going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Crytpid-ish Creation!
In Snook, Texas, a local steak house had discovered a creation that had the local clientele frothing for more. What could this possibly be? Bigfoot bacon? - No! Bacon flavored Loch Ness Monster flippers? - No! Chupacabra bacon rinds? - No! All of these sound good, but it... it was... Chicken Fried Bacon Strips! Unlike the existence of Bigfoot and other cryptids, the existence of this wonder food delight has been beyond a shadow of a doubt - proven, and more importantly... confirmed to be delicious! Cast your eyes upon this tale told by the Texas Country Reporter about this bacon enthusiast, Frank Sodolak and his amazing and addictive creation!