Gimme a "B"!

Hail thee all Baconites! As I sit here contemplating life and bacon, I had the urge to post, or re-post a bit o'bacon, nay a sponsorship of bacon by Jim Gaffigan. I know you've seen, hell we all have, but I need me a larf and bacon dreams! Jim Gaffigan and Bacon!

Converting Vegetables to Bacon!

OK you vegan freaks! Science is finally listening to your hippy cries. Some genius at the Farmsville Academy of Tomorrows Techology Institute of Education (FATTIE) created a process to turn vegetables into bacon. Good God man! What could be better than that? Other than Soilent Green brand bacon, of course!

Click the Mystery Bacon image below for a detailed diagram and photo of the vegetable converting bacon process. It will blow your stupid face off!

Go Back to School!

Via: Online Schools

They call that a contest?

Hail Baconites! I was inspired by the "Bacon is good for me!" remix and did a quick search on bacon eating and found a contest that took place some time ago shown here. With the amazing cameo by part-time bartender, Liam Davenport, we get an insider's view on the then looming contest and the potential side-effects -marked by the clever placement of luxury plastic sickness containers; obviously anyone foolish enough to get sick from bacon is not a true baconite.



As the contest progresses, a winner emerges, however, what is unbelievable, unfathomable, is the fact that there was bacon left over - losers! Until the last piece of bacon was gone, how dare they call themselves a competitor or connoisseur of bacon. I can only hope the next contest showed better results; perhaps they need to review the remix.

Bacon Is Good For Me - The Remix

My favorite little fatso from the "Bacon is good for me" viral video (HERE) is back, in dance form! This song had me shaking my fat ass and loading my bacon up with neon glow sticks. Its gonna be the next hottest thing at my bacon eating orgy-rave next month.

Have a listen and try not shake that ass!

My First Bacon!

Finally, something to give my worthless ungrateful children. Their very first bacon! I remember my first bacon, I had a wet dream that night. Ahhh....

Buy your stupid kids their first bacon today, over at THINK GEEK.

New bacon recipe

In honor of Defender of the Fatherland Day in Russia, I decided to post a healthy bacon recipe. Here is the recipe:

2 lbs fresh bacon

1 lbs maple bacon

1 lbs smoked bacon

2 lbs honey bacon

2 ounces of brussel spouts.

Cook in a pan until bacon is delicious. Note, actual recipe will not look like picture.

Bacon for the Apocolypse

2012 is just around the corner kids! Start prepping your fall out shelter with the right survival gear. Zombie killing shotguns, anti-Antichrist spray, Mad magazines, an automatic high five generating machine to keep you company, beer, and of course, plenty of Tactical Bacon! This fine invention will keep you happily full of bacon for at least 10 years. At the end of that 10 years though, the bacon's shelf life is no more. Should that happen, I recommend taking yourself out with the shotgun. If you are out of ammo, this is simple. Become a zombie and eat other survivors, but skin them and add Bacon Salt to their flesh to make it seem like you are eating bacon.

New Product Idea

You have heard of fortune cookies and their ability to tell the future. But I ask, why should Tat have all the fun? What about fortune bacon? Every strip of bacon has a little message on it to get you through the day! Even better, you could replace that terrible tasting piece of paper in your current fortune cookies, with strips of bacon! Ah-so round-eye!!!! -_-

For the Mom that has it all

For my mutha, only the best mutha effin gifts, mutha! This year's Mothers Day will be different than the last few. Last year I gave her my dirty laundry and told her to clean it. The year prior, I let her spring me on bail. A few years back, I didnt get her anything because I am 99% sure I am adopted. I mean, she is black as coal and I am whiter than Casper! Well, this year she is getting a BACON FILLED CHOCOLATE PIG. Holy crap does that look good! Umm... on second thought, I am gonna eat that myself. Instead, I will give her a high five, or at least email her one.

Bacon-bot my ass!

Hail Baconites! Yes, we are having somewhat of a Bacon Renaissance here at the nation. In doing some half-assed research that fuel our bacon laden minds, I came across an older blog and news article way back from '06 about NEC developing robots that could perceive taste. In a strange twist of events, it appears that a camera man taping for the video was perceived by the robot as bacon! All I can say to that is that the camera man obviously ate his pound portion of delicious bacon before filming the sequence. In regards to the robot, obviously, it is a ploy in order for us to think again of bacon, while it contacts "Sky-Net" to pass along the intelligence that humans could serve as pigs for their upcoming war against us.

I say we should take action first and kill all the robots! Wait - what if they make terminators that look like pigs... and they fire razor tipped bacon strips?!? NOoooooooo! ...Well at least I'll go out with a smile on what's left of my face, while choke-slamming Robby the Robot. All is well.

Bacon or Beer Can?

Damn, the Jamaicans might be the coolest people on earth! They have found a way, with their awesome language, to make the word "Bacon" be the same as "Beer Can". The 2 greatest substances on the planet. This is the next best thing since the Eskimos many words for snow, or the Jews many words for money. Have a look HERE for the proof. (Need sound)

6 Reasons Bacon is Better than True Love

I love my bacon dammit. As soon as congress passes that bill allowing me to marry my bacon, it's on! This fine fellow HERE did this great documentury about how bacon is actually better than true love. It insipred me to start writing bacon articles again for the nation. All you whiney little, bacon-fucks can get off our assess about not delivering you bacon content lately.

Where the f**k is Snook, TX?!?

Hail Baconites and set your sites to the bacon beacon! I see we here at the nation have been on hiatus again, and in this economy, can you blame us? We have to spend every waking moment searching for bacon and every dreaming moment, dreaming when we can have bacon again! Hopefully, some of you are still out there to read this, if not, I understand, there's bacon to be eaten!

I just recently read something off of the cold bacon press, providing "top 5" list for bacon. While Onboards Informatics' list some heavy hitters, it had one failure, I wouldn't call it an epic failure, with bacon, there is never an epic failure, of course unless the bacon is not cooked up and eaten, but 'tis a failure to be sure mateys! Of all the cities listed, there was not an entry for Snook, TX! I know - what the hell is this world coming to, when you talk about bacon and not mention Snook! What the town may lack for in size, population @568, the little restaurant, known as "Sodolak's Original Country Inn" or simply "Steak House", packs quite the lunch punch.

I can see some of your faces now, adjusting in your chair and wiping bacon grease off your face. I can't tell if that look is disbelief, confusion or nirvana brought on by bacon, so I'll just clear this up for yas. Snook is a birthing place of the ever famous, country-fried f'ing bacon! I first wrote it about it here, and let me tell you something sonny-Jim, it's so popular, other restaurateurs, have started copying the receipe! So while the OI had an impressive list, I have at least one more entry for it.

For all the birthdays we have missed, I wish to apologize and say "Happy Belated Bacon Birthday!"

The revenge of NEB!

Hail Baconites! After the brutal slaying of NEB at the bacony hands of the nefarious "Baconman" we of course went into states of mourning and disbelief. How could one bacon cryptid kill another and why? This event alone proves the dichotomy of all beings good and evil all in one. Whilst mourning on the moors of Lake Superior one mist filled morning, a call was heard by us. A faint cry that sounded like the "wheee-wheee-wheee" of a pig with the horrid sensation that bacon was not available in all places that bacon was needed. It was then we saw it, something horrible, something sensational, something bacon. It flew through the mist, and at times we could not make out what it was. We then saw it in full view - it swooped down to us and threw what we thought was a pound of fully cooked bacon, until we saw it was the head of a Baconman. The thing just uttered "NEBbbbbb will be baaaack!" and flew off. The picture posted at right shows the closest representation to what we saw, that of a Nightgaunt from the Cthulu mythos. While we shuddered, we got hungry, so we ate the head of Baconman... it was of course delicious. While NEB is gone, at least for now, we know that all Baconmen will be hunted and hopefully their heads will be delivered for us to feast upon and look to the skies for the return of NEB!

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