Bacon Pizza

I uhhh.... just wanted to take a second to ta... uhhhhh... oh yeah... that is the stuff... I, uh... uhhhh.... oh man! I am trying to tell you about this piz... oh man... I cant. That is sooooo hot! Uhhhh......

Happy Turkey-Bacon Day!

Hail Baconites and Happy Thanksgiving! While it has already been stated here about the combination of turkey and bacon, we just thought we should point out that this is the one time of year in the U.S. that it is allowed to combine bacon with turkey. The reason is that turkey tends to steal the "flavoroids" (a completely "scientific" term and not contrived to be assured... *cough*) from bacon; this obviously is punishable by law, at least it should be. However, this is the time of year we give thanks for all we have... especially bacon, and think of those who do not have enough bacon. If you celebrate Thanksgiving, you should bring an extra couple of pounds of bacon wherever you go to celebrate just in case there is not enough bacon to go around. If you notice the turkey is not wrapped in bacon, you can then stuff a pound or two of bacon inside the turkey before it is put into the oven, thereby ensuring a successful celebration! If you are going to a place that will be serving a ham instead of a turkey, it can be almost guaranteed that if you bring your gift of bacon, you will be able to lobby to have the ham wrapped in bacon! Oh yeah baby! Have a safe and happy holiday Baconites!

When I die...

...I know what heaven will be like.

The Bacon isn't done!

Haha, what a little stinker...

Turbaconducken

Happy ThanksForBaconGiving everyone!

This year, think of your loved ones. Don't serve them boring old turkey on Thanksgiving. Give them something they will love, give them happiness, give them bacon! It is bacon-wrapped chicken, inside bacon-wrapped duck, inside bacon-wrapped turkey. It is a virtual Bacornucopia of a feast. Oh man, my mouth is watering thinking about this. This could only be improved by serving the cranberries with bacon bits mixed in.

More details on Turbaconducken.

Bacon Lampshade

The lighting in my house sucks! All my light bulbs are those stupid fluorescent ones that take forever to light up. When they finally do, everything has this bright blue tone to it. My house looks like the shopping aisles at K-Mart.

Sure, I know what you will say, just go buy a new lampshade that is darker and will filter out the color. Well you've got some nerve mister! You cant go around telling people what to do, that is how Hitler got started. You are clearly as bad as a person as Hitler... well, not Bacon Hitler, he is awesome!

No, instead I think I will invest my time and effort to create a bacon lampshade! Man, that will be so cool. My house will have white, orange, and brown stripes all over it! Plus, if the light stays on for a while and heats up the bacon, I can eat it or let the smell permeate my house.

Lampshade Directions

Hats off to honorable men

On a slight deviation than the usual posts, I would like to take some time to thank the hard working men (women don't make bacon, they can only cook it) at all the bacon factories around the world (except in Canada, as those aren't real bacon factories). For those uneducated on the genesis of bacon, it isn't just some magic pork product which grows on trees. It is made in the heartland of America, by real Americans, and by real men.

It's these men that allow us to enjoy bacon on a daily basis. It's these men that make my quality of life frickin awesome (by eating lots of bacon). It's these men, that work countless hours butchering and cutting that delicious animal flesh out of pigs which are destined to live on in my belly. To these men, I take my hat off..., I thank you for all your hard work. I raise my last piping hot slice of bacon to you. To all the unsung heroes of the bacon industry, "You Rock"!

Bacon Henge

For years, man has marveled at Stone Henge and wondered how it was created and what it was used for. Well we can stop wondering, because that is a boring and stupid thing to do. Instead, we can build something greater and more useful! Bacon Henge!!

Bacon Henge is bacon wrapped french toast sticks built on a mass of eggs, peppers, onions, and umm... lets say more bacon.

You can find the recipe HERE. This would go great with a tall glass of baconade... mmmm...

Too good for dogs?

Hail Baconites! Here at the 'nation we have uncovered a plot from the 90's in which bacon was given to dogs! And it doesn't stop there, apparently dogs have been given treats in a bastardized form of bacon for many years before the 90's! It's true! Is it a sign of the apocalypse that dogs have access to one of the best creations available to humankind? Will they start living together with cats? Will fiery meteors reign down from the sky? If so, will those meteors be filled with bacon? And how much would my grocer charge for those bacon filled meteors? Is it socially acceptable to use those meteors at parties?...

Wait... to get back on topic here, dogs - yeah - dogs with bacon... no wait - it's fake bacon! Bwah-hah-hah-hah! They don't get the real thing! Yeah - take that Fido! We are in control, because we have the bacon dammit! So much for their plot for world domination - they can't even get real bacon. Losers!

Failed Business Idea

Don't EVER try to improve bacon.



Fun fact: Everyone in this video is dead now because Sizzlean was made of 90% asbestos and 10% horse manure.

L’eau de bacon pour homme

It cologne that smells like bacon!

I don't need this, personally. I eat so much bacon I sweat out the sweet bacon aroma. But for some of you lazy bacon slobs, this would be perfect. You could use this to find that special lady that likes bacon as much as you do. This handy locator will help you find the location of the right ladies for this kind of bacon lovin.

Motivation

This is all I need to be motivated:

Bacon Pr0n!

Hail Baconites! Are you feeling naughty, randy and in the mood for bacon? Well we here in the bacon labs have uncovered some bacon pr0n for those times when you cannot cook up some bacon yourself. This could go in so many directions - but lets, at least initially, keep it at just watching the bacon cook up! Yeah, oh yeah... fry it up baby! Ohhhh yeeahhh... it's soooo gooood! So good, it may in fact, be evil... eeevil!

The Bacon Hat

Nuff said!

Something is wrong with my bacon

Can anyone help me? What is happening?

We got yer bacon heah!

Hail Baconites! In our never-ending search for quicker bacon - we have discovered yet another method for cooking bacon for those times you wish to make a blanket and couch cushion fort and hoard some bacon for yourself. Yes, recapture that time in your past when all you cared about was forts, bacon and the next cartoon or 3 Stooges episode coming next on T.V.; you know - last week! But in order to complete your journey to those nostalgic times, you need bacon, and you need it quick. If you cannot locate your "Bacon Wave", worry not - you can still have a plate o'bacon in relatively short time by just simply following the instructions in this video. I know, I know... it is amazing, and better yet, it's all true! So, start building your fort... in front of the T.V. of course, get your flashlight, watch this video, then make the bacon and lock yourself in your fort and drift back to those days of carefree caring.

Area Man Proclaims his Love of Bacon

Area man, a self proclaimed bacon aficionado and blatant metrosexual, has proclaimed his undying and unnatural love of bacon. "I use bacon in everything I do. Every day, I stuff bacon in my undies, pour bacon grease in my gas tank, feed my ferret some bacon bits, and take a bacon bath." Some people might call this creepy, others really creepy, but he claims bacon works wonders on cleaning his pores. "I take bacon baths every night and my skin is marrrrrrrveloooooous!"

Is this normal? Is this odd? Is this something we should should all aspire to be? The answer is, yes to all those questions. You should find this man and learn everything about bacon he has to offer.

Bacon iPhone Case

Leave it to the Germans! Is there anything they cant do? First they invent the Bacon Hitler, then they scare the Jews into becoming bacovores, now "Die Bacon Tasche" for your iPhone? Sweet! Das Bacon!

Those of you without an iPhone, don't cry, pansies. You can use this for other things too, like keeping your drugs, your cigarettes, your portable copy of the dictionary, or a little black book with the addresses of all your favorite bacon places in town.

Jews to accept bacon?

Word on the street is that Jews are finally going to accept bacon into their diet. Israel is thinking of changing their country flag to the above picture to announce to the world that they have a place for bacon. After speak to one very Jewish person, he informed me that "I know bacon is delicious, it looks delicious, it smells delicious. Praise Allah that I can finally eat bacon without committing a sin". This comes as big news and might even ease tensions with Israel’s neighboring countries. Israel’s Prime Minister, Ehud Olmert, is reportedly going to have a piece offering of bacon with Palestine’s Prime Minister next week. Way to go Israel! Welcome to the bacon community!

Bacon Hitler?

Ummm..., WTF?

Bacon Haiku's

I sure like bacon
It is pleasure for my mouth
I need bacon now
-smidge

Bacon dear bacon
how i love your crispiness
let me lick you now
-smidge

Fill me up bacon
I need you inside of me
mmm bacon mmm mmm good
-smidge

My doc says I'm ill
He suggests tons of bacon
I should comply now
-smidge


My bacon is good
My bacon is better though
My bacon is the best
-unknown

Bacon, Bacon bits,
Bacon cake, Bacon cookies,
Bacon sausages
-unknown

Once upon a time
There was a beautiful piece
of bacon, the end
-Mark

Submit your own bacon haiku via the comments section. If we like it, we will add it to this post.

Bacon Aisle at the Supermarket?

This is where God must shop! An entire aisle, dedicated to bacon? I think I would live here if I could. Notice some of the bacon is 69 cents, must be some kind of erotic bacon.

Why isnt this in every grocery store? President-elect Obama, this is the change we need! Yes We Can!

Deadly Bacon Size Hail

The Meteorological and Environmentally Associated Teacher League Overseeing Verbal Emphasis on Revisioning Society(MEATLOVERS) has spoken out on a common discussion among weather forecasters everywhere. It seems basketball size hail is no longer to be considered the deadliest hail size. Across the country, hot weather girls have spoken of "bacon bit size" hail and considered it to be a harmless and cute name. However, it has caused more deaths this season than Ebola and the black plague combined.

Upon hearing the delicious weather report, hungry Americans are running outside to try to catch the bacon bits in their mouths. However, once outside, they realize it is nothing but ice. Many think their taste buds can no longer taste bacon and kill themselves instantly. Others simply realize they are idiots and take themselves out as well.

To remediate this threat to human life, weather girls worldwide are being asked to refer to hail of this size as "rat droppings" or "anal wart" size hail.

BACON WINS!

LOVELAND, CO - The people have spoken and bacon has triumphed over fries. The Delicious (D) party NOM-NOM-NOMinee has won in a landslide. This is a day for the people, by the people, and via the hungry. Independant party candidate broccoli came in with 0% of the vote.

MORE INFORMATION

Bacon Whiskey

Some of you more blue-collar bacon lovers may not find much use for Bacon Vodka, so we here at baconation want to make sure you have another solution to get you drunk and smelling like bacon. Gentleman Ham's Bacon Whiskey! The perfect drink for hoppin' on yer hog after slammin' some hog. Damn that's a good use of bacon.

So, I know, some of you bacon drunks cant afford this sort of luxury. That's OK, we are a full service bacon provider. For those of you that cant afford it, or simply cant find it at your local meat market/liquor store, here is a recipe to make your own!

Now, I am off to take a swig of this tasty concoction and maybe beat the first person I see.

US...B...B...Bacon?

Have you ever wondered how smart bacon is? Have you ever pondered why your bacon can't also give you porn? Do you dream of keeping something bacon in your pants? Well... some brilliant dude over at inventorspot.com has started to market a USB stick of bacon!!! This bad ass piece of computer hardware can store 4 gigs (thats a lot of porn or bacon pictures) and it looks frickin delicious! Don't be cheap, go and buy a bunch of these. Then cook some bacon. Then eat the bacon and play with your hardware. Its like my mom always said, if it looks cool, play with it until it falls off (the table).