Hail Baconites and set your sites to the bacon beacon! I see we here at the nation have been on hiatus again, and in this economy, can you blame us? We have to spend every waking moment searching for bacon and every dreaming moment, dreaming when we can have bacon again! Hopefully, some of you are still out there to read this, if not, I understand, there's bacon to be eaten!
Hail Baconites! After the brutal slaying of NEB at the bacony hands of the nefarious "Baconman" we of course went into states of mourning and disbelief. How could one bacon cryptid kill another and why? This event alone proves the dichotomy of all beings good and evil all in one. Whilst mourning on the moors of Lake Superior one mist filled morning, a call was heard by us. A faint cry that sounded like the "wheee-wheee-wheee" of a pig with the horrid sensation that bacon was not available in all places that bacon was needed. It was then we saw it, something horrible, something sensational, something bacon. It flew through the mist, and at times we could not make out what it was. We then saw it in full view - it swooped down to us and threw what we thought was a pound of fully cooked bacon, until we saw it was the head of a Baconman. The thing just uttered "NEBbbbbb will be baaaack!" and flew off. The picture posted at right shows the closest representation to what we saw, that of a Nightgaunt from the Cthulu mythos. While we shuddered, we got hungry, so we ate the head of Baconman... it was of course delicious. While NEB is gone, at least for now, we know that all Baconmen will be hunted and hopefully their heads will be delivered for us to feast upon and look to the skies for the return of NEB!
The Baconman has struck again, this time killing talk show host Oprah. According to a source close to the victim, Baconman's number one enemy was Oprah. Apparently he interrupted her mid-show and cut off her head in front of hundreds of witnesses. He then ran off stage still holder her bleeding head singing to himself. The clip of the beheading is reportedly on the Youtube and has already received 100,000,000 views in just a few short hours. We are all secretly thanking Baconman for this. Oprah's head has not been recovered.
understand why that was and why we weren't getting bacon, until we saw what was causing the commotion and why my stomach stopped screaming for bacon; at least for 10 seconds - horrible in itself. What we saw chasing poor little N.E.B. was horrifying, terrifying and funny all at once. First heard about by Comedy Central's South Park first broke the news about another cryptid, that being of course known as "ManBearPig." We witnessed ManBearPig trying to chase after N.E.B. and probably cause harm or at least insult N.E.B. Why, we have no idea at this point, but perhaps it was because a part of ManBearPig, maybe 1/3 of it considers N.E.B. a traitor to the ilk of "Mega-Sus Scrofa" by freely distributing the food treasure of bacon, or maybe because N.E.B. is cute and ManBearPig makes you almost want to vomit your bacon. So beware Baconites, while searching for N.E.B. and maybe some free bacon, be on the lookout for ManBearPig - that foo is a crazy-ass! More information to follow as it develops - right here at baconation.com!
Hail Baconites! Flash! N.E.B. (Never Ending Bacon) has been spotted over a field in Montana back around 1977! The picture looks like a UFO, however our discerning scientists here at the nation has discerned that the object is actually a camouflaged flying pig that we have dubbed N.E.B.! A N.E.B. paradigm dons our blog here doing what N.E.B. does as well, flies around and releases a never ending bounty of bacon! The government has tried to locate N.E.B. but cannot at this point, as it continually bobs as it flies, staying underneath most radar systems. Occasionally
it lands to eat slops it finds or slops left out. Why leave out slops? According to legend, if you're really good and leave out slops - N.E.B. may visit, eat the slops, grunt and drop off a pound or two of cooked bacon! Now sightings of N.E.B. have been rare, as most people are eating the bacon dropped when N.E.B. flies by and their hands are too greasy to hold a camera steady, but stay tuned true Baconites, right here at baconation.com, for more updates and out of focus pictures of N.E.B.!
Hail Baconites! This is our 100th official post, even though it the counter for 2008 marks us at 99 - this is our 100th post! We apologize for the delay in posting, however, we have been scavenging the 'Net for already published stories on bacon that we can add commentary to and relink for your enjoyment! As this is our 100th official post, we thought we would add a few stories here for your bacon drenched enjoyment. My suggestion is first that you cook up some of your favorite bacon, crack your favorite beverage and prepare to read or re-read about the following!
Artists are a funny breed. Take this young buck for instance. Clearly dedicated to his art yet we still see sings of his bullishit existentialism. From this picture alone we can determine he has not fully committed to the art. What the fuck is he doing with that guitar? Any asshole can BaconWave some ham, but to achieve true art, one needs to fry that shit! You can't expect to become an artisan of ham while masturbating your day away with frivolous pursuits like music or curing aids or some other egregious frivolity. One needs to fully commit oneself to the cause. Monet didn't paint while fucking around with Nintendo at the same time. This "gentleman" has a lot to learn about art and even more about bacon.
I'm not a praying man, but if you are up there, save me Baconman! ...and you too Baconman's sidekick, Bacon Bit.
I can hear what you are reading out there... you read the title and wondered if there could be a lolly with bacon in it and your name on it! Well, Baconites, I am not sure you're name will be on it, however we have uncovered a boon sent by the lords of candy! "Nonsense!" You say?!? "Shenanigans!" you call?!? Well, I call your nonsense... and your shenanigans, and raise them to reality!
Hail Baconites! This image has been seen in many places around the 'Net, however it has not been seen enough on real keyboards! It has also been discussed in many places, and yet, and yet, yes I said that twice - wait, and yet, three times, we have not, NOT seen action taken. Why you may ask - is it a conspiracy? Would non-bacon eating peoples be offended? What would actually happen if you pressed the "Bacon" key - surely not bacon would appear? Well Baconites, we will not know if we don't explore this issue, which is why you may wish to contemplate asking our US government to sponsor a study to explore this potentially amazing concept! The only potential snag, is that another politician would also suggest a sub-study, if you will to uncover why a tasty diet beverage does not materialize after the "Tab" key has been pressed. However, we must continue to endeavor to persevere and seek out our state and federal Representatives to consider a study on the Bacon key! Nay demand it! It's your right as an American! Hell, even if you're not an American - demand it! Why? Because when you need bacon, you should be able to press a button on your keyboard and get some damn bacon! Go forth Baconites and demand!
Ever travel abroad and needed to order bacon but didnt know what bacon was on the menu? Here is a handy guide!
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