Drunken fiend damands bacon!

Artists are a funny breed. Take this young buck for instance. Clearly dedicated to his art yet we still see sings of his bullishit existentialism. From this picture alone we can determine he has not fully committed to the art. What the fuck is he doing with that guitar? Any asshole can BaconWave some ham, but to achieve true art, one needs to fry that shit! You can't expect to become an artisan of ham while masturbating your day away with frivolous pursuits like music or curing aids or some other egregious frivolity. One needs to fully commit oneself to the cause. Monet didn't paint while fucking around with Nintendo at the same time. This "gentleman" has a lot to learn about art and even more about bacon.

Its a Bird, Its a Plane, Its...

BACONMAN!

I'm not a praying man, but if you are up there, save me Baconman! ...and you too Baconman's sidekick, Bacon Bit.

I wanna wowwipop... with bacon!

I can hear what you are reading out there... you read the title and wondered if there could be a lolly with bacon in it and your name on it! Well, Baconites, I am not sure you're name will be on it, however we have uncovered a boon sent by the lords of candy! "Nonsense!" You say?!? "Shenanigans!" you call?!? Well, I call your nonsense... and your shenanigans, and raise them to reality!

The good people at Lollyphile, who are also the creators of the Absinthe Lollipops have produced a marvel in Maple-Bacon Lollipops! Yes! They are a reality... and truly can be yours! It can be argued that snacking during the day can either help or hurt you in you're quest to gain the body you've always wanted. So while you read and search about the best ways to achieve your goal, you can actually burn and take in calories, by popping one of these beauties into mouth and suck your way to good health! Now it could be argued that taking in pure Vermont maple syrup and bacon can be bad for you, however, think of this... your body is working hard just to take it in! If nothing else, your body won't gain or lose weight, plus you get your bacon and sugar at the same time! Genius! Now Baconites, sally forth and go suck it!

Addition to keyboards?

Hail Baconites! This image has been seen in many places around the 'Net, however it has not been seen enough on real keyboards! It has also been discussed in many places, and yet, and yet, yes I said that twice - wait, and yet, three times, we have not, NOT seen action taken. Why you may ask - is it a conspiracy? Would non-bacon eating peoples be offended? What would actually happen if you pressed the "Bacon" key - surely not bacon would appear? Well Baconites, we will not know if we don't explore this issue, which is why you may wish to contemplate asking our US government to sponsor a study to explore this potentially amazing concept! The only potential snag, is that another politician would also suggest a sub-study, if you will to uncover why a tasty diet beverage does not materialize after the "Tab" key has been pressed. However, we must continue to endeavor to persevere and seek out our state and federal Representatives to consider a study on the Bacon key! Nay demand it! It's your right as an American! Hell, even if you're not an American - demand it! Why? Because when you need bacon, you should be able to press a button on your keyboard and get some damn bacon! Go forth Baconites and demand!

Bacon Abroad

Ever travel abroad and needed to order bacon but didnt know what bacon was on the menu? Here is a handy guide!

Canadian: Real American Bacon, none of your crap!

Chinese: 烟肉

French: Lard (stupid frenchies!)

German: Speck

Greek: μπέϊκον

Hebrew: ........

Italian: Pancetta Affumicata (takes too long.)

Japanese: ベーコン

Korean: 베이컨

Russian: бекон

Spanish: Tocino

Everywhere cool: Bacon

Pucker Up!

Hey ladies! You know how to get your man smoochin your ugly face? Buy some bacon lip balm! He will forget that he is kissing a pig and think he is kissing a cooked pig.

Order now, you aint gettin prettier.

I got me a bacon's!

Bacon Pizza

I uhhh.... just wanted to take a second to ta... uhhhhh... oh yeah... that is the stuff... I, uh... uhhhh.... oh man! I am trying to tell you about this piz... oh man... I cant. That is sooooo hot! Uhhhh......

Happy Turkey-Bacon Day!

Hail Baconites and Happy Thanksgiving! While it has already been stated here about the combination of turkey and bacon, we just thought we should point out that this is the one time of year in the U.S. that it is allowed to combine bacon with turkey. The reason is that turkey tends to steal the "flavoroids" (a completely "scientific" term and not contrived to be assured... *cough*) from bacon; this obviously is punishable by law, at least it should be. However, this is the time of year we give thanks for all we have... especially bacon, and think of those who do not have enough bacon. If you celebrate Thanksgiving, you should bring an extra couple of pounds of bacon wherever you go to celebrate just in case there is not enough bacon to go around. If you notice the turkey is not wrapped in bacon, you can then stuff a pound or two of bacon inside the turkey before it is put into the oven, thereby ensuring a successful celebration! If you are going to a place that will be serving a ham instead of a turkey, it can be almost guaranteed that if you bring your gift of bacon, you will be able to lobby to have the ham wrapped in bacon! Oh yeah baby! Have a safe and happy holiday Baconites!

When I die...

...I know what heaven will be like.

The Bacon isn't done!

Haha, what a little stinker...

Turbaconducken

Happy ThanksForBaconGiving everyone!

This year, think of your loved ones. Don't serve them boring old turkey on Thanksgiving. Give them something they will love, give them happiness, give them bacon! It is bacon-wrapped chicken, inside bacon-wrapped duck, inside bacon-wrapped turkey. It is a virtual Bacornucopia of a feast. Oh man, my mouth is watering thinking about this. This could only be improved by serving the cranberries with bacon bits mixed in.

More details on Turbaconducken.

Bacon Lampshade

The lighting in my house sucks! All my light bulbs are those stupid fluorescent ones that take forever to light up. When they finally do, everything has this bright blue tone to it. My house looks like the shopping aisles at K-Mart.

Sure, I know what you will say, just go buy a new lampshade that is darker and will filter out the color. Well you've got some nerve mister! You cant go around telling people what to do, that is how Hitler got started. You are clearly as bad as a person as Hitler... well, not Bacon Hitler, he is awesome!

No, instead I think I will invest my time and effort to create a bacon lampshade! Man, that will be so cool. My house will have white, orange, and brown stripes all over it! Plus, if the light stays on for a while and heats up the bacon, I can eat it or let the smell permeate my house.

Lampshade Directions

Hats off to honorable men

On a slight deviation than the usual posts, I would like to take some time to thank the hard working men (women don't make bacon, they can only cook it) at all the bacon factories around the world (except in Canada, as those aren't real bacon factories). For those uneducated on the genesis of bacon, it isn't just some magic pork product which grows on trees. It is made in the heartland of America, by real Americans, and by real men.

It's these men that allow us to enjoy bacon on a daily basis. It's these men that make my quality of life frickin awesome (by eating lots of bacon). It's these men, that work countless hours butchering and cutting that delicious animal flesh out of pigs which are destined to live on in my belly. To these men, I take my hat off..., I thank you for all your hard work. I raise my last piping hot slice of bacon to you. To all the unsung heroes of the bacon industry, "You Rock"!

Bacon Henge

For years, man has marveled at Stone Henge and wondered how it was created and what it was used for. Well we can stop wondering, because that is a boring and stupid thing to do. Instead, we can build something greater and more useful! Bacon Henge!!

Bacon Henge is bacon wrapped french toast sticks built on a mass of eggs, peppers, onions, and umm... lets say more bacon.

You can find the recipe HERE. This would go great with a tall glass of baconade... mmmm...